The Gift of Love

That's a wrap! Cheesy joke, but honestly, I cannot believe that another Christmas has already passed. Where is the time going?

I'll confess that I was more than spoiled this year. Having two families makes for an explosion of surprises under the tree. However, what I found most exhilarating about this Christmas season, although (and I'll be honest) I was super excited to open gifts, I was more focused on giving. 

My husband has been obsessed with plants lately. On our windowsill in our teeny kitchen are sitting three rock-and-seed filled glasses, which from my perspective make the kitchen less attractive. Being the perfectionist that I am--okay, more like have become because I wasn't always this way!--I decided to seek out a gift that looks more organized and suited for indoor gardening. I found the perfect gift within the budget Corey and I had set for ourselves. I couldn't wait to see his face on Christmas morning. It was killing me! 

Never in my life have I been so apt to give, let alone be elated about it.

As he ripped apart the ninety-nine cent wrapping paper, I saw the joy spread across Corey's face while the corners of my mouth nearly reached my ears. My cheeks quickly went numb from all the smiling and as they did, a thought entered my mind: is this how God felt when He sent His Son?

Innumerable are the blessings that God has given His children. To name a few, He's given us the gift of life, families, and Jesus Christ to give us the gospel and a way to find everlasting life.
I got excited over an indoor gardening system for my husband. There is no possible way that God has not been smiling ear to ear when He sees one of His dear children embracing one of His magnificent blessings.
I can only imagine the extent of God's joy when He sees a child embrace the gospel that His Son provided for us. The gospel of Jesus Christ is, by far, the greatest blessing that God has equipped us with, and the moment an individual decides that it's time to live it, I'm sure the Lord's heart bursts.
Lately, I've been pondering my conversion to the gospel. I remember distinctly five years ago, shortly after my sixteenth birthday, when I decided to turn away from the devious life I had led and turn towards the Savior. I knew that what I had been doing was wrong, but I was afraid to admit it because it was more fun than living what some might call the "Molly Mormon lifestyle". Finally, the two years of built up guilt consumed me. I knelt at my bedside and I pleaded with God to ease the burden and I promised to give my life to Him. Never in my life have I felt peace the way I felt it that Sunday evening. I knew that God loved me.
I decided to confide in my mom and tell her about my troubles. Honestly, I thought she'd be livid knowing the mistakes I'd made, but instead, she hugged me and cried. As she embraced me, I felt a fraction of what God must have felt for me in that moment.
Had Jesus Christ not volunteered to perform the Atonement for us, I would not have learned what I did that night. I wouldn't understand love to the least degree, nor would I understand God. If it weren't for the Savior, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have the truth--actually, none of us would. The future of our souls is solely dependent on the infinite sacrifice of God's Only Begotten Son. Because of Him, we have the truth. Because of Him, we can be saved. Because of Him, we can find everlasting peace and joy in the comfort of the arms of God. Because of Him, we can be eternally sealed to our beloved families. Because of Him, we can have everything.
As we ring in the new year in a few short days, as we make resolutions, remember that it is by the mercy of the Atonement that we are granted second chances when we've fallen short. If that isn't one of the greatest gifts of love, then I don't know what is!

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)

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Confessions of a Procrastinator

I need to confess. I need to get it out. I need to tell you something.
While reading a talk for my Eternal Family course, I, yet again, was admonished by the Man upstairs. Sometimes I feel it's not my fault that I'm not perfect, but the Spirit tells me time and time again that I am not even trying to become perfect at trying. It felt like a slap in the face, but in a good way. This admonition, of sorts, woke me up; this rude awakening opened my eyes to a greater understanding of my purpose for living.

Inconsistency. 
Procrastination.
Insincerity. 

What do these three words have in common? Negative impact. I've been implementing these three words into my everyday life without even knowing it. I've become lax in scripture reading, prayer, church going; I've conditioned myself to think of it as the norm and therefore, these things do not take precedence in my mind. Every day, we say our prayers, but I feel that they have become insincere, meaning that what comes out of my mouth is not heartfelt, they're just words. When I read my scriptures for class, I think of the assignment as another thing to do rather than an opportunity to strengthen my faith in Christ. In fact, I don't remember the last time I picked up my scriptures just to read them, or to find answers. My thoughts about church have shifted in the last few months to cause me to contend with myself about attending meetings other than sacrament because I don't feel welcome instead of thinking about the lessons that might help me overcome this particular trial.

Inside, I want to scream at myself and demand an answer to the question: "What happened to you?"

Here I am, a returned missionary, married in the temple, going spiritually less-active and, as my mom put it on the phone yesterday, leading myself towards complete inactivity. I feel like I've stepped into quicksand. If I don't find my way out of this rut soon, I fear it'll be too late. Life is too short to waste it away sitting in a ditch of destruction. Get me out of here!

There is an evident disconnection from God I've noticed in recent weeks. While I love the gospel and I share it all the time, I am not living it. Am I committing grievous sins? Absolutely not. Am I leading myself away from the Kingdom of God? Absolutely. I'm not trying. I'm not living up to my covenants. I'm not doing enough to try to be a better disciple of Christ. This will be my downfall if I don't get with it.

Tears fill my eyes as I think about what my life has become, as I reflect on the seemingly small choices that have had an utterly negative impact on where I stand at this moment. It stops today. I'm taking my life back and giving it to God. Procrastination, although I'm a master at it, is done. I can't do it anymore. I can't continue to tread on a path of inconsistency and insincerity as I ponder the position of my relationship with my Father in Heaven. Not for one second do I find value in the insecurity of my foundation. I found a crack, and I need to mend it through picking up my scriptures, falling on my knees and pleading with the Lord every day instead of becoming rote, and choosing to go to every church meeting each Sabbath day for the right reasons--and not only going, but going because I want to be there to strengthen my testimony.

I know God lives. I know that He sent His Son to suffer, bleed and die for all of us so we can pick ourselves up; He can pick us up. We do not travel the winding road of life alone, for He is with us every step of the way if we will let Him in. I realize I've closed Him off unintentionally. I know that if we will become aware of our weaknesses, the Lord will make them into strengths, and these trials we go through truly are for our good. I know Jesus is the Christ. I know He loves me and because of His infinite sacrifice, we can find peace in our afflictions and, in addition, second chances in our shortcomings.

If you are struggling as I have struggled, wear out your jeans a little by getting down on your knees and asking God for help and forgiveness. I promise you will find it. I know I will because I know God is there and His love is unconditional.

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Resolve to be Filled

I know it's only November. The turkey hasn't been placed on the table. The jolly, old, red-suited fellow hasn't wiggled his way down the chimney yet. Nevertheless, the end is nearing--the end of the year, that is. As I anticipate welcoming in the new year one month and a half from now, I'm beginning to think of a few resolutions I have in mind, the first being:

Developing the resolve to allow the Spirit to be a constant companion as I strive create more righteous behaviors and participate in more wholesome activities, to be lead and guided to the places that God wants and needs me to be.

I've recognized that there are a few things in my life that need to be changed, such as holding grudges, gossiping, my irritability and so forth. We know from gospel teaching that the Holy Ghost can only dwell with us when we are standing in holy places--physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is something that I haven't quite understood until a moment when my heart softened after having received a little treat from a fellow sister who hurt my feelings. I had chosen to hold a grudge, and every time I thought of her, anger immediately overcame me. However, that little treat sitting on my doorstep opened my eyes and allowed me to see something that I had been oblivious to before. Each and every instance when I granted permission for anger to fill my heart, I was evicting the Spirit of God from my side. Because of this eviction, the Spirit wasn't the one left bruised, but I was.

Upon my arrival in this life, the light of Christ filled my being, helping me to understand the difference between right and wrong--it's bad to lie, good to tell the truth, good to be nice, bad to be mean. Even if my parents hadn't taught me how to differentiate the good from the bad, having the light of Christ, I would have been able to feel the negativity or the opposite with every action. I felt it when I allowed the anger to enter into my heart rather than forgiveness because I chose the wrong emotion to fill my soul. I think when we act upon that light with which God has so graciously suited us, that is how we are able to feel the presence of the Holy Ghost.

If you are unfamiliar with the faith of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you may not know what we mean when we talk about receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost versus the Spirit Himself. The Holy Ghost is the third member of the Godhead, or Trinity as some may call it. He is a distinct being, separate from God and Jesus Christ. All men on earth have the capability of feeling the presence of the Spirit. Perhaps you have been camping and had some time alone with the serenity of the mountains and nothing but peace filled your soul. Maybe you have gone to Church and listened to the preacher tell the congregation that God loves them, and you felt overwhelming joy in your heart. There may have been a time when you have struggled, and you prayed for peace, and you received it. Have you ever heard a little voice telling you to do or not to do something? The Holy Ghost is a dear friend to us all. His influence can be felt everywhere to provide peace, comfort, joy, love, and much more.

As members of the Church, when baptized at eight years old, we are not only immersed in the water to symbolize leaving our sinful life behind, we are also baptized by fire. Of course, it’s completely symbolic. Note: no fire is ever used! A little fun fact for you, fire is a cleansing agent. Fire refines and perfects. The baptism by fire cleanses and forgives us of our sins, and as we are confirmed members of the Church, we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost: a gift of constant companionship if we are worthy, a gift of constant comfort when we are hurting, a gift of healing and cleansing when we do wrong and are sorry, a gift of love when we need to feel the Savior’s arms around us. This gift is one that I want to always keep and not throw away. This is a gift that never perishes, but will remain by my side so long as I am clean and trying.

There are things that I do, movies that I watch, things that I say, and especially things that I think about myself and about other people that drive the Spirit away from me.

I don’t want to allow the Spirit to ever disperse from me again.

I will continue to try my hardest to fight the battle against Satan, who doesn’t want me to be happy. The Lord knows that the adversary wants nothing more than to find me helpless and hurting because he is in that very position himself.

This resolve to have the Spirit with me always will not end after one week, for I will strive to keep this resolve till the day I die. I will remain valiant. I will endure to the end as I have covenanted with my Father so that I can have this gift with me always. I would invite you to join me in my resolution for the rest of your lives as I do mine.

I know the gospel has been restored and with it the Priesthood keys so that we can have these precious ordinances performed for our temporary happiness and eternal salvation. I know Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus Christ. Every day, my conviction of what that fourteen year old boy saw grows stronger. It will never falter, no matter the stakes. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is true. It is Christ’s church. This is His gospel. I know it. I live it. I love it.

In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

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#PorteOuverte

We are all saddened by the tragedy that struck the City of Lights last night. We have all asked ourselves, "How could something like this happen?" I don't have all the answers, in fact, I don't have any answers, but I am amazed by the outpouring of love on and also from the Parisians.
#PorteOuverte was trending via social media by locals inviting tourists and other visitors to come into their homes to find safety and refuge from the horror. The hashtag translates to "Open Door" and I thought: if something like this were happening our hometowns here in America, would we be leary of inviting strangers into our homes, or quick to open our arms to offer comfort to the stranded?
This beautiful act of kindness and love reminded me of the covenants I made at baptism:
"And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;
Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life." (Mosiah 18:8-9)
If you have made this covenant, it applies to all. It does not matter where a person is from. It does not matter their circumstance. It does not matter their appearance. This covenant is applicable to every person in this world. Are we not all children of God? Do we all not belong to the same eternal family? Are we not all brothers and sisters?
I would hope that if tragedy ever strikes and I am in the position to either invite or turn away people in need that I would whole-heartedly choose to serve and love.
The people of Paris are suffering. Therefore, we should be mourning with them.
We can't continue to watch people suffer and simply say, "Oh that's sad, but how does this affect me?"
Especially if you have stepped into the waters of baptism, and have taken upon yourself the name of the Savior, Jesus Christ, it affects you. The very loss of these lives, although unknown, affects you.
We've lost over a hundred brothers and sisters in a rather tragic way. We continue to lose brothers and sisters as they fight for our freedoms. We lose brothers and sisters on a day to day basis: whether by murder, sickness, suicide, accident etc. We should be mourning with the sad. We should be lifting up the down-hearted.
Although we are not in Paris, we can still mourn with and comfort those who are grieving.
I do think this is one reason why social media is such a blessing--we can easily contact those who are hurting and give words of encouragement. Even just knowing that someone supports you can bring just as much comfort as a hug. We are in this together.
As children of God, we are always in this together.
Our arms are open. Our doors are open. Our hearts are open.
God bless Paris.
My prayers are in their behalf this day.

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Holding on to What I Know

As previously mentioned on my Facebook page, a new policy in the Church has been issued regarding the children of same-sex parents. I, however, am not here to shed light on the subject. My purpose for this post is to spread love and thoughts to ponder.

I have not always been one to openly accept every single doctrine of the church, every policy. I remember getting indirect warnings for wearing my pajamas to seminary, not understanding the reason behind not watching R-rated movies--but watching them anyways because I thought it was fine--and being sat down for uncomfortable lectures from my parents about kissing boys when I was fourteen. I've definitely had my fair share of questions beginning with "Why...?"

Some things, some principles, some policies simply do not make any sense! I always seem to feel it is my job as an individual to make sense of the matter; I need to know why the commandment or policy is what it is and why we have it set in place. Sadly, I've come to understand that it simply does not work this way.

Who sees the bigger picture? Who knows best? God. It is always God--not me. Although I have my own portfolio of opinions, sometimes I need to lay them aside so I can say with pure conviction: "I know Jesus is the Christ. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet. I know the prophet and apostles on Earth today are called of God and act in His name. I have prayed and I know."

Feelings are a choice. Overcoming confusion is a choice. Do not sit idly by while the "author of confusion" implements his best tactic on the children of God to draw them further and further away from the straight and narrow.

Initially, I was a little taken aback by the newly issued policy. As I thought more about the reasoning behind it, I came up with some conclusions, but I, honestly, do not know what the true, possible purpose is other than this: God loves His children and wants to do His best to protect them.

'Protect them from what?' you might ask. I think--I do not know, but I think God wants to protect His children from making covenants they will find harder to keep than any other individual as they reside in a household where they would be torn between the gospel and their parent's relationship.

I do not know God's direct thoughts, but I can learn of His truths through one tool: the Spirit. The Spirit enlightens the mind rather than unraveling a spool of uncertainty.

Let me reiterate my thoughts: 

Feelings are a choice. Overcoming confusion is a choice--light can be found if you will seek it out.

Please. Please. If you are fighting your conscience against this policy that will, in turn, cause your testimony to falter, fall to your knees and plead with the Father to give you understanding. He wants you to understand. He wants me to understand. He wants all people to understand that this is not out of hatred, but out of His undying love for all of us.

As hard as it is to accept that this policy could quite possibly be in direct association with the will of God, do not lean solely on your opinion or the opinions of others; do not let your testimony sit on your negative outlook on one policy. Do not allow the adversary to shake your testimony. I know, I know, Satan is using this policy as a way to draw as many as he can away from the truth. It is the adversary's plan to recruit individuals to, first, deviate from the path of righteousness themselves, and then assist others. Please do not trust the enemy.

Allowing feelings to trump truth always seems to be the easiest route to take. In times like these, when the mist of darkness impairs our vision, reach out to the iron rod; reach out to the Savior. So long as you grab hold and continue to grasp onto Him, relying on His perfect and infinite sacrifice, you will be comforted.

Many don't consider the Atonement to be a way to ease the burden of confusion, but remember that Christ has felt all the afflictions of the world: is confusion not an affliction? Confusion troubles the soul. Christ will ease that burden if you turn to Him, if you lean on Him. 

Please hold on to what you already know. As for what you do not understand and find inconceivably difficult to comprehend, "Therefore, ask and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you; for he that asketh, receiveth; and unto him that knocketh, it shall be opened." (3 Nephi 27:29)

I beg you to take your questions to God: not to the media, not to incorrect doctrinal sources. 

Moroni's promise is not only applicable to reading The Book of Mormon, but to any question about the truth of a piece of doctrine. "And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:4-5)

In spite of confusion that constantly arises in my life, I refuse to let it rip away the very light that holds my life together. I refuse to let the darkness overtake my happiness. I absolutely refuse to let Satan lead me to think something is wrong without consulting my Heavenly Father first. I refuse to let go of what I hold dear. My testimony will never be shaken due to doubt.

In the words of a dear apostle, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf says it best:

"Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters--my dear friends--please, first doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith. We must never allow doubt to hold us prisoner and keep us from the divine love, peace, and gifts that come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."

My friends, I know this gospel has been restored through the prophet Joseph Smith. I know that Jesus is the Christ and that He lives. I am sure of it. I feel it in every fiber of my being that this is the gospel of the firstborn of the Father. Nothing will change the light the Spirit has shed on me that a fourteen year old boy saw God and Jesus Christ. Likewise, nothing will cause me to withhold my sustaining of the prophet and apostles because I know they are divinely appointed servants.

Do not. 

Please.

Do NOT allow doubt and confusion hold your testimony captive.

I love you. God loves you. Never forget it.

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Marriage and the "Unbreakable Vow"

Most, if not all of us, have read or seen Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. If you haven't, I highly suggest you do because you are missing out on so much magical goodness! The story begins in a room with Malfoy's mother, Narcissa, Bellatrix Lestrange, and, probably the most loathed-yet-revered character, Severus Snape. Malfoy has just been chosen to be one among Lord Voldemort's death eaters and Bellatrix manages to have Snape agree to make the unbreakable vow to Narcissa, meaning, he is to watch over Draco and keep him from harm. Should anything happen that keeps Draco from fulfilling his duty, Snape is to step in and do it himself. If he fails to keep the vow in any way, under the oath Snape makes to Narcissa, Snape will suffer death.
Yikes.
I'm talking about marriage here. How does the Unbreakable Vow Snape makes to watch over Draco have anything to do with marriage?
The joining of two families is one of the most joyous occasions, but more significantly, the vows a husband and wife make to one another: to have, to hold, till death do us part, or in the case of Latter-day Saints, through death we live on. Think about the promises spouses make to one another at the ceremony, whether it be bluntly spoken or received from the general message. The first that comes to mind is fidelity.
Think of the words again: "to have and to hold". The husband is the wife's. The wife is the husband's. No one else, romantically, is to have or hold either spouse except for their partner to whom they are legally and lawfully wedded. Naturally, from hearing this phrase a plethora of times in reality or fiction, it should be ingrained into the minds of men and women alike. Well, if that's the case, then why is infidelity such a major problem?
Let's take a few steps back to Harry Potter and relate it to marriage and infidelity.
Snape promises Narcissa that he will keep Draco out of harm's way--no matter the cost. If Snape fails to perform his duty to help Draco, he will be taken by Death.
What about marriage?
Both the husband and the wife vow to love each other no matter the circumstance. Thus we see, at the altar, husbands and wives vow to keep each other safe from...heartbreak.
Infidelity is a sin: an awful sin. From the words of past and present apostles and prophets as well as the Savior himself, it has been taught that when we sin, we suffer a spiritual death, or in other words, we move further away from God, until godly sorrow kicks in and we can work on reviving our spirits to be in alignment with the Lord's will.
It's quite frightening how infidelity happens.How does it begin?
Well, lying is probably the easiest and most natural sin. There isn't anyone in this universe who has not said a little, white lie to get out of trouble. The problem lies in the complacency that tags along this seemingly innocent hiccup in the human persona. Lying can be so natural sometimes.
Along with lying comes hiding and cover-ups.
I remember as a young girl, I had my friend over. As we played in my bedroom we, somehow, got a hold of a pair of scissors. What happened next is so typical of children: we started to cut each other's hair. As naive, little kids, we proceeded to stuff the hair into my mattress in an effort to cover up what had happened. Although our haircuts were tragically hideous, we thought if we could hide the evidence, our parents wouldn't suspect a thing.
Let's just say it was a very long time before my friend came over again.
As we grow older, the instinct to lie about topics of more importance become easier to let out. Teenagers begin to lie to their parents about who they're with, where they were, and what they were doing. The pattern of deception becomes more and more prevalent among rebellious teens.
What's worse is, when boys and girls see that this works, it becomes easier to move to even more complicated things: juggling two romantic relationships at a time. Oh, they just couldn't choose who they liked more so they chose to have both and pray that they keep it a secret.
Cheating is a result of, not only being complacent with the way things turn out by lying, but also greed and letting one's guard down.
Lying, pride, and the failure to protect oneself are the three most common weaknesses among people.
They truly are ingrained in our beings, but that doesn't mean we cannot overcome them.
God gives us weaknesses, but does not tell us it's okay to give in; he does not tell us to stop trying to overcome them.
Satan does not give us weakness, but does tell us it's okay to give in, to give up, to do what will bring us, not happiness, but satisfaction.
The tactics of the adversary are destructive. Sadly, so many people are using these tactics today to tell people it's okay to do what you want, that there is no harm in succumbing to the natural man.
There are dating websites specifically for cheating. There are churches that say, "Do what you want, as long as you accept Christ." There are even people who rile up those who are struggling with their faith and say, " God's not real, therefore, sin is not."
These examples remind me of some of the antichrists written about in The Book of Mormon.
Korihor was a man among the people of Nephi who wanted recognition. He concocted opposing views than that of Alma's toward the gospel of Christ, toward Christ himself. He was convincing to the people, saying that there would never be a Christ, therefore there is no law, and there is no sin. That sounded pretty good to his audience, supposing that sinful lifestyles seemed far more glamorous than the righteous. The end of Korihor's life resulted in him telling Alma to prove that God exists. He was struck dumb and ultimately died, not only a spiritual death, but physical.
The gospel is real.
Laws are real.
Consequences are real.
Married, or dating, infidelity does not lack consequence.
Commitments should not be taken lightly, although, the adversary says that it is quite alright to think that relationships are not as important as God says they are.
God says one thing.
Satan says another.
The way to recognize God's hand, is spiritual peace and eternal joy.
The way to recognize Satan's hand, is spiritual despair and temporary satisfaction.
Fidelity follows God's hand.
Infidelity follows Satan's.
Although lying, cheating, and stealing are ingrained into the minds of people, we do not need to succumb to the temptations.
Make the unbreakable vow.
Keep it.
Do not suffer spiritual death because of a little bit of satisfaction.
Stay true, and God be with you.

     
   

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Power to Love

I'm so far from perfect. Everybody is. 

I'm so far from having the capability to love everybody in every single instance. Most people are as well. 

I'm so far from being accepting of people from various backgrounds dissimilar to my own. A lot of individuals are the same.

The fact of the matter is, we're all struggling to love our neighbor--meaning everyone. There's so much hate and malice in the world; people blaming others for their own problems, fighting over opinions, getting into petty, little arguments. It's easy to fire back when someone takes a shot at you.

Lately I've realized that I could do better at loving and I wish I could, but I find it to be so challenging! Why is it so difficult to love? How on earth did Christ manage to love every soul?What I've come to understand is that we have three tools that give us the power to overcome any weakness.

1. Prayer
2. The Atonement
3. The Spirit

I've often asked myself, 'Why do I have weaknesses?' Comfort always comes after reading this scripture: 

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." [Ether 12:27]

I'm so grateful for my weaknesses. After all, without my shortcomings, how would Heavenly Father be able to shape me into something better than I am; a masterpiece? If I didn't have any defects in my persona, God wouldn't have anything to work with. I wouldn't be able to grow. Although feeling as if I'm incapable to love despite the circumstance, I know that I am absolutely capable to let go of my animosity; distaste for anyone if I rely on my Savior. 
Through the enabling power of the Atonement of the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, I can overcome any weakness. All it takes it a little bit of work. 
Kidding.
It'll take a lot of work on my part.
God has given us all the tools we need to trek through any trial, wield through any weakness, and overcome any obstacle. Prayer will give me power. The Atonement will give me power. The Spirit will give me power. I am not in this alone. 
When I received the gift of the Holy Ghost twelve years ago, Heavenly Father promised me His companionship so long as I keep myself out of the presence of negative influences and abstain from making unrighteous decisions. He will aid me.
Following the soft whisperings of the Spirit coupled with the power of prayer--asking the Father, in humility, for His help--will essentially rid myself of the incapability to be a better person.
At this moment in time, these things will not make me perfect, but the beauty of this gospel is when I make a mistake, if I'm rude, hateful, or inconsiderate towards someone's feelings, I can repent. The true power is in repentance and forgiveness. Because of this truth that I can pick myself back up, apologize, ask forgiveness, and try my very hardest to never give in to the same temptation to put someone down, I know that one challenge won't stunt my spiritual growth, but rather, my slate can be wiped clean and I'm given another chance.
Today, I realized that one disagreement isn't worth a relationship. 
Think about it: Satan disagreed with Christ's plan, it ruined their relationship and it even cost him his salvation. I'm not willing to disregard and walk away from a relationship because of a little discord.
My goal this week is to ask my Heavenly Father for the strength to love in all situations. 
What can you do better at?

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Trials: Blessings in Disguise

How many times has God handed you a trial that made you just want to complain, and cry, and complain some more? The instances, for me, are countless!
It sure seems like I've been sitting in God's classroom for quite some time now. The lessons keep coming! Yesterday, the Spirit taught me, yet again, another worthwhile lesson: something that I really took to heart.
My husband and I had fallen asleep watching Friends. I woke up around 1AM, my neck kinked; my head pounding. I nudged Corey to wake up and we went to bed. When morning rolled around, my head was just throbbing! I was in so much pain--nearly to the point of tears.
Note that this was my first, truly awful migraine since I returned home from my mission nearly six months ago, earlier than anticipated.
Church meetings were going to start in an hour and there was no way that I'd be able to get myself ready in time; no way that I'd be able to get ready at all in the state I was in! Corey ran to the kitchen to get me some medicine, and I went back to sleep.
As I drifted into my dreams, I distinctly remember saying a prayer--in my state of unconsciousness--asking Heavenly Father to ease the burden even a little bit so I could get myself out of bed and ready for church.
When I opened my eyes, I looked over at my husband and told him that I wanted to go to church. My headache was gone.
Just long enough for me to get myself ready, out the door, and take the sacrament, God took away my migraine. As soon as the sacrament ended, the migraine came back.
I buried my head into Corey's side. Dreadful. Absolute pain.
I couldn't help but silently ask my Heavenly Father why He couldn't take the pain away for the duration of the testimony meeting. I so wanted to feel the spirit and learn from those who shared their testimonies. I'd had such an amazing experience last month! I wanted it again!
My answer came rather swiftly.

Trials are untimely.
Trials are hard.
Trials are not desired.
Trials lead me to my knees.
Trials make me plead.
Trials draw me nearer to God.
Trials allow me to recognize His mighty hand.

This trial in particular was a tender mercy from the Lord. While it was odd that He took my pain away for only an hour, for the sixty minutes that God eased my burden, I was able to focus on the single, most important event of the week: taking the sacrament.
As silly as it may seem, I'm so grateful for the headache I got yesterday. Through that difficult, temporary experience, I was granted a greater knowledge of the importance of the sacrament. I shared a moment with my Savior, Jesus Christ, when I partook of the emblems of His death. He had already suffered my headache. He had already felt that agonizing pain for me so that I didn't have to go through it alone. Because God eased my burden for that little time, soon afterward, I felt His love overtake me. I felt His hand work a tiny miracle just so my testimony could grow ever so slightly.

That slight increase in my faith in the Atonement of the Lord and Savior made all the difference in the world.
Because of that headache, I made progress in my eternal journey.
Because of that headache and my desire to renew my covenants, God did not just  allow me to renew my promises, but to renew my testimony.

I always knew that trials would help me progress.
I had never thought that the teeniest, tiniest trial could get me that much closer to God until yesterday.
God is a god of miracles.
My trials are a great blessing from my Father in Heaven.
I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned and the insights I've gained from the discomforts I've experienced thus far for the world.
I cherish my trials.
I hope you do too.

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The Family: A Proclamation to the World

This inspired document was released twenty years ago today and read to the public by President Gordon B. Hinckley, whom we love, revere, and miss.

These are not just words written on a piece of paper, but rather, they are scripture and as such we should do our very best to follow the counsel given by the apostles of God, and therefore, God Himself.

You can find the document here.

I know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. No man-made law will ever have the capability of changing eternal law.

Men and women alike are essential to the Creator's plan, and we have different roles for a purpose. If we were all the same, we wouldn't need each other, but we do. 

Equality doesn't come by dismissing specific roles of each gender and substituting yours for the other. Equality is being equally yoked; sharing the load.

In 1 Corinthians 11:11, Paul said, "Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord." Neither could be without the other. In our mortal lives, we have the wonderful opportunity to find someone we love and marry. The bond between a husband and wife is sacred, and the gift of pro-creation shouldn't be tampered with.

That's the beauty of this gospel. 

While society is quickly dragging the world off-course, Latter-day Saints and many others are keeping themselves moving forward by living what most people would consider, "old-fashioned."

I was once asked my sophomore year of high school why I wouldn't want to "test" the man I love before I get married. At the time, I didn't have a response, but I do now:

Because I love God more than I love the principles of society. Because I have a testimony that Joseph Smith was a prophet called to restore the gospel, and because I know that we still have living prophets today, I know that God has said to save myself until marriage. Having not shared that bond with anybody but my husband has made our relationship much more strong.

I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that the greatest way to show Him my love and gratitude for His atoning sacrifice is to live the way He has asked. I love Him and I will follow Him.

His hand is extended toward you always. Take it. Hold on tight, and He will lead you Home. 

If you have not had a chance to yet, read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Pray and ask your Heavenly Father if this document is a bunch of boloney and He will provide you His witness through the Holy Ghost. This is my invitation to you.

Happy 20th Anniversary!

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Testimonies: A Tender Mercy

After a hectic morning of not only being late to church, but not being able to find anyone in the ward to tell us where our classes were held, we finally made it to sacrament meeting where I felt the Lord's hand work a miracle.

Tender mercies with a touch of a miracle seemed to be the theme of the day in spite of the craziness..

1. Sacrament meeting is the last meeting
2. I was rebuked by the Spirit.

Okay, okay, now you might be thinking: Excuse me, Mrs. Sabin, but please explain to me how being rebuked by God is a tender mercy!

I'm so excited to share this experience with you. It's personal, but, aside from being sealed to my husband a short time ago, this was the greatest blessing I've been given in a while.

As I sat in the chapel, snuggled up to my husband, I made the decision to intently listen to every single testimony that was shared.

It started with the first testimony--it was a simple one--about things I'd already known to be true, yet I felt an intense sensation overcome my being. Why? I already know the Church is true. I already know that Jesus is the Christ. Why am I feeling this way? 

The second testimony, the third, fourth, up until the tenth were shared. The feeling didn't go away.

I began to listen even more intently. I just knew that the Lord needed me to learn something. It was quite obvious. By the way the Spirit touched my own, Heavenly Father's intentions were very clear. I was missing something.

A Japanese woman got up with her husband. She spoke in her native language while her husband translated. As she spoke in Japanese, before her husband could translate, that same spirit filled me up. Although I couldn't understand her directly, I understood what she was saying to be true. 

It was in that moment that I realized I needed to be in that room at that time to be told by my Father in Heaven through His servant that I needed a reminder; a reminder that this gospel is His.

It was in that moment that I realized I've become complacent with the way my life has been. It was in that moment that I realized that my testimony has been sitting on a plateau. It was in that moment that I realized I haven't been doing anything to strengthen my conviction. It was in that moment that I realized that being comfortable with complacency in this life is going to land me in a place where I can be eternally complacent--which place isn't with God.

I became very emotional at that point. How did I let this happen? I thought.

It's so easy to think that what you already know is enough, but we can cheat ourselves out of some really wonderful experiences if we decide that we're good enough to stop progressing.

The truth is, once you gain a testimony, that's not the end. 

Testimonies are gained as a result of faith. However, if we don't continually nourish the "seed", it won't grow. It'll remain a seed, or if it's already been planted, nourished, and has become something more than just a seed, it'll begin to wilt and eventually...die. 

I'm so grateful for the individuals who were courageous enough to stand before the congregation to bear witness of the things they know to be true. Without those individuals following the Spirit, I don't know how much longer it would have taken for me to realize that I need to make progression a habit.

Eternity is all about progression, so naturally, mortality is as well.

I know the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored through the prophet, Joseph Smith. I know that Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal and Only Begotten Son of God. I know the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ and the words found therein are powerful, comforting, and most importantly, true. 

Before I walked into sacrament meeting today, I knew these things were true. When I walked out of the chapel, I was reminded by that same Spirit that the truth of these things hasn't changed.

It wasn't the knowledge of Christ as my Savior that saved me. It was the reminder by His Spirit that I need to change that saved me.

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Post-Wedding

Well the deed is done! I'm a married woman!
My wedding day was more than I ever dreamed of. Much, much more. I wish I had known before the wedding that I wouldn't even be paying attention to the minor details that I had been freaking out about for months!  , it isn't about the flowers, the cake, or the venue. What's most important and what draws the most attention is the fact that two people who love each other were joined together in marriage.
I wish I hadn't spent so much time stressing about the decorations. I wish I had spent more time pondering the idea of being sealed to my love for time and all eternity.
I will say one thing: the day of the wedding, that was all I could think about! "I'm marrying my best friend!" was all that went through my head.
I'm so grateful for my husband--for all the many blessings that have come to us as an eternal companionship in just the two short weeks that we've been married.
I'm so looking forward to moving into our first apartment on Tuesday; to have a place to call our own--our h o m e.
Marriage is great!

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Waving Goodbye to Single Life

With only a week until I have two rings on finger, I've been thinking a lot about what I'm getting myself into. Y'all. It's scary--scary beyond anything I've ever experienced. I have so many worries that weigh on my shoulders (sidenote: any newlywed or soon-to-be-married couple knows that the number one worry is finances)! BUT. Although scary, I know it'll be the best experience of my life and I get to finish out the rest of my years with the love of my life. I know the troubles, the trials, the moments of despair will all be worthwhile because I have the opportunity to grow closer to my husband and become a stronger individual.
I. Can't. Wait.
I always get so excited to see old friends get engaged and begin to plan their weddings. I can't believe we're all opening up this new chapter in our lives. It's so crazy!
We're on the road to happiness. Being given an opportunity to embark from a new "port" in my life with the man of my dreams will make the remainder of my journey so much more bearable, enjoyable, and wonderful.
The storms will come. It may not always be calm waters. One thing is for certain though. We will accomplish our journey. Together. That's what excites me the most about marriage.
Corey always refers to me as his "battle buddy." We're a team. We will always be a team. We are an eternal team.
Ten days is all I have left to be a single woman. I'm looking forward to waving goodbye that aspect of my life. This is the best decision I've ever made--not to mention the most important!
Goodbye, single! Hello, married!

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[Optimism] in All Things

The past few weeks have carried me upwards and downwards as far as my emotions are concerned. I guess you could say I don't handle stress very well! With the wedding coming up, my emotions have been, to be frank, a hot mess. When something has gone entirely wrong--well, at least that's how I feel--I tend to blow a gasket. However, after my computer screen just randomly cracked last night and following my initial freak-out, I had an epiphany.
 I heard a little voice say, "It could be worse." 
Isn't that the truth! It could be worse. Why should I dwell on what's going wrong when there are so many things in my life going right? I don't want to be someone who looks at the glass half empty rather than half full. That would make me life seem so much worse than it is. In fact, my life isn't terrible at all!
I've got so many blessings that have been poured out on me in abundance. Why? Because my Heavenly Father loves me. It's sweet; simple.
When I'm handed challenges, I feel like God is rooting for me to find joy in the trials I face while the opposing team yells and screams at me to be ungrateful and to be miserable because of these experiences.
But the honest to goodness truth is, it's so much easier to give in to the negativity when something goes awry. The first thing I want to do is be frustrated, maybe even yell or mutter something under my breath. What I've come to learn over the past twenty years--which is sad that it's taken that long--is that acts and feelings of anger will get you no where. In fact, they'll only make you angrier.
Instead of giving in to Satan and letting him win, choose God. He's cheering you on. When you accept the support of your Heavenly Father, even in the small trials, you will win every time.
Here are three things that help me in moments of anger:
1. Don't say anything you'll regret. Remember, if your mother taught you well you'll remember the phrase, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!" In moments of fury, it's so easy to spit out the first thing that comes to mind, but it's important to remember that the words you choose to say could be even more hurtful than the cause itself.
2. Stop, breathe and count to ten...or one hundred if you're really mad. I know it's silly, but it works! For some odd reason, allowing yourself to stop and breathe slows your heart rate which rises when you're infuriated and calms you down.
3. Count your blessings. This one could quite possibly be the hardest one to do, but it's very necessary. I want to be better about this. What's the point in lingering on the gloom when God have given us so much radiance through His tender blessings? At the moment, it may seem as if there are no blessings, but if you will take time to think of a few--because let's be honest, there are too many blessings to list them all--the situation at hand will be much more bearable.
Next time you're upset over something, remember these words to one of my favorite hymns:

When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings; name them one by one

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done

Chorus:

Count your blessings; name them one by one,

Count your blessings; see what God hath done. 

Count your blessings;

Name them one by one

Count your many blessings; see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings; every doubt will fly,

And you will be singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.

Count your many blessings; money cannot buy

Your reward in Heaven nor your home on High.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.

Count your many blessings; angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you till your journey's end.

Be happy! x

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Loving Love!

Okay, I have to brag! I have the greatest fiance. There are a number of reasons why I believe him to be the most wonderful man on the planet (no big deal). The fact is, I'm in love with my best friend. That's really all that it comes down to. We started out as friends and that friendship grew into something immensely more than something strictly platonic. The best part about it is we're still friends! That's what--I believe--makes a great love; a lasting love.
Corey and I met through his sister, Ashley, while I was serving a mission in the northern United States--a far-off land called Idaho (sorry, I wanted to be dramatic). He and I never laid eyes on each other--well, as far as bodies are concerned. We did however lay eyes on each others' personalities for quite some time. Cheesy, I know. I'm just happy to know we didn't use a dating service, although they do work for some people! Ashley gave us each others' emails and we sent messages back and forth every Monday. It had to start with him because I thought it was strange to just email a complete stranger!
Weeks turned to months, and when August rolled around, I had hit my sixth month in the field. I received my first hand-written letter from Corey and that's when I realized that there was more to this stranger than I had thought. We had a real connection--not through pen and paper, but our souls were connected somehow. To give you the honest-to-goodness truth, it started to freak me OUT! My thoughts were merely this:
-I have no clue who this dude is
-I can't be falling for him. We've never met!
-The chances of us meeting and ending up together are slim to none.
-WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?!

Because of my irrational fear of love--well, and because I was becoming very distracted by his charm-- I wrote him off--more than once, actually. Poor guy! He still tried to get in touch with me, but I didn't respond, although, something kept nagging me to respond to his messages. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Luckily, I was able to refocus myself on what I was in Idaho to do: serve the Lord--and I did...up until I began to have frequent migraines that kept me from getting out to do the work. Upon meeting with my mission president, we had decided it was best for me to go home. I left my mission five months early and it was the hardest thing for me.
Corey found out through his sister that I had been released and he didn't miss a beat to contact me. I gave him my number and we texted back and forth for a few days. Then he asked if he could call me. OH NO. I didn't feel like I was ready to hear his voice. I knew that when I did it would be over for me...because deep down I knew this was it. He was it. There was that irrational fear of love taking its toll over me yet again! So even with my silence, he still called and I just watched my phone light up with a blank look on my face: ladies and gentlemen, that's fear.
He didn't bother calling or texting for at least a week.
I remember the next Sunday I was sitting on my bed when suddenly my phone lit up with his number on the screen. Fear. Again. Surprising? Not really. There went the blank stare for, what I'm sure were the most agonizing sixty seconds on his end.
Finally, he gave up and I didn't blame him at all. I didn't know what I wanted! Okay, really, I did. But I didn't know if my heart was ready. I'm sure everyone has felt at one point or another the fear of being rejected after having been accepted by someone truly wonderful then dumped. Getting back into the realm of roses and late-night dates after heartbreak is scary!
The hurt didn't come all at once. In fact, I wasn't hurt at all at first. I was surprisingly relieved that he'd given up. I didn't have to stress anymore! It was great!
I tried to get back into the swing of things: reconnecting with old friends, going to the movies, blogging, reading. It was all well and good, so I thought, until I realized that something was missing.
Easter Sunday was a day to remember. After general conference had concluded and I had gotten back from my brother's house, I was in my room reflecting on my life--because that's what general conference does to you! I had a very distinct impression to send an instant message to Corey. I apologized for being confusing, and messing with his emotions. I asked if we could be friends. His response hurt me like no other. He had said that he would love to be friends, but just that because he wasn't looking for a relationship. My initial thought was, Oh my gosh. What am I doing? I thought he really liked me. Is it really over before it even began? Corey asked if he could call me the next day, and of course, I said yes. I was all in. I was ready. Acceptance or rejection, whatever my fate, I was ready to face it.
Monday morning, 11AM. My phone rang. I watched it for a couple seconds and I finally brought myself to answer it. I was nervous, but the sound of his voice soothed all my nerves. It felt so natural to talk to him. His voice sounded so familiar. I was in a daze. A thirty minute call turned in to two hours and sooner than you knew it, he and I decided it was time to meet! Corey was sweet enough to buy me a plane ticket to go see him. In an instant, I knew it was right. I knew this was it. I knew my quest for love had been concluded--even though I wasn't even on a quest!
I met him at the airport in Salt Lake City. We were both so nervous, yet so excited. We were ready to turn this budding romance into something for the storybooks. Now we're engaged and ready to start a new chapter no longer titled, "My Life" but, "Our Life."
I always knew Corey was the one for me, but this trip is what solidified my feelings. When I felt his hand brush against mine, his lips touch my forehead, and when I gazed into his hazel eyes, something shot through me that I had never felt before. It was so much more than euphoria.  It was love.
I knew I was in love with Corey, not only when I felt sparks, but when I noticed silence wasn't awkward, I could be my absolute self, and we could still talk like we did as friends.
I'm so lucky to have fallen in love with and be engaged to the most wonderful man who has ever walked into my life. I'm happy to know that he will always be by my side for the rest of my life and throughout eternity. August 15th cannot come fast enough! x

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Love Despite Differences

In light of this week's court ruling, I do think that what the Supreme Court has decided is quite exciting! I can understand the thoughts and feelings that those of the homosexual orientation are feeling right now must be overwhelming. While I don't support gay marriage, I don't feel it is my place to judge or discriminate, or even try to fight the ruling because I can't change anything, but instead, to share my belief as a follower of God. Although the law of the land has changed, His law remains the same. He gave us the precious gift of freedom to act and choose for ourselves. Each and every one of us are here because we once chose to follow Jesus Christ. The purpose of our life here on earth is to find our way back to God by trying our best to live in accordance with His will. Now, I can't say that I don't live in sin, because I do. I sin every day. We all do! But our sins are between us and the Lord. The great thing about the gospel of Jesus Christ is that we can all change because of His Son's atoning sacrifice in our behalf--in ways big and small. No matter what you do, whether you change or not, God will always love you, but He knows what's best for all of us and He knows that the best way to find true happiness--not only in this life but in the next-- is through abiding by the laws He's set in place. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we often stand up for what we believe. We don't do it to be condescending or to make anyone feel bad (or at least that's not most of our intentions!). The reason why we share so many things in regards to same-sex marriage is because we believe that marrying someone in the bounds that our God has set, we will find the most joy and we want this for everyone. So. With that said, we may not have the same stance on whether or not gay marriage is morally sound, but that's okay. I still love you and I love all of my friends who are homosexual. But here's what I believe!

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He is R I S E N

"Why seek ye the living among the dead?...He is not here but is risen." Luke 24:4-5

My heart is full of gratitude for my Heavenly Father and for my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Because of Jesus Christ and His infinite Atonement, I can find peace in my afflictions.

Because He lives, I can look forward to the future with hope. 

One day, I will be like Him--because He lives.

I know the tomb is empty.

The Savior suffered, He died, and He rose again.

We have no need to worry, for we have a Savior who saved us.

As we accept this gracious gift from our elder brother, let us show Him how grateful we are for it.

The gospel boils down to love.

How much do you love your Savior and what are you willing to do to show Him?

I absolutely love Easter and spring time.

The flowers begin to blossom. The sun is out and shining. The birds chirp and they sing. The leaves begin to grow again. 

It's almost like the Earth is renewed after another winter that killed everything!

There are no coincidences, my friends.

I believe springtime is very symbolic of the Savior's beautiful resurrection.

Everytime Spring comes around, I remember God's love as I take in the beauty of all His creations.

Be happy and have a happy Easter!

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{Embrace}

"Embrace it! Take it in! Love every minute! Make every second count!"
We've all heard these phrases.
As cliche as they may sound-okay, do sound-we need to constantly strive to tell ourselves to do these things on a daily basis. Yes, even when you're having a bad hair day.
Life is too short to complain.
Life is too short to waste a day.
Life is too short to spend your time wishing you could have what you can't have.
Life is too short.
Live in the moment, and whatever your circumstance may be, embrace it.
Do not become short-lived! Embrace every moment that life has to offer: good and bad.
Make every trial a learning experience and every weakness a strength.
Remember: You are NOT alone!
I have a firm belief in God and in His hand. He created this world. He created me. He made life possible. When He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to live and to die for all mankind, He paid the ultimate price which allows us to change.
Embrace the opportunity to change!
Life is all about becoming! Becoming is a process, not an event. As we go through life to become like the Savior and our Heavenly Father, we will find the trials, the hardships, the errors, the discomforts, and everything that life has thrown our way to be worthwhile and for our good.
So, I'll say what all the optimists out there have always said:
Embrace it! Take it in! Love every minute! Make every second count!
Make today the best day of your life. Then make the next day the best day of your life. Then the next, then the next, then the next....
♥

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