Will You Let Him In?

Vacation is over and it's back to reality for us. With our transition back to normal life, we were handed some sort of reality check--or maybe a spirituality check would be a more appropriate term.
Holidays and anniversaries always cause me to reflect on my life and where I'm headed on the path I've chosen. Well, this anniversary did just that for me, and I am so embarrassed to admit this, yet I'm absolutely thrilled to share this experience with you. Seriously.
I can honestly say that I don't know that last time Corey and I picked up a copy of The Book of Mormon or even said a prayer together. I know--awful--but that's not even the worst part!
It's so easy to get caught up in work, games, Netflix, school, and social media while it's much more difficult to set aside leisure activities and temporal responsibilities to center our focus on the Lord for an hour a day. After all, what you're doing isn't bad right?
Wrong.
How do we know when something good becomes wrong? When it takes you away from your Father in Heaven.
Corey and I have always made time to lie in bed and be on our phones while we try to fall asleep. While it isn't a bad nightly ritual, it would be much better for us to use that time to study the scriptures and have a heartfelt, meaningful conversation with the man upstairs.

Let me tell you the consequences and affects that come from neglecting to talk with God and invite the Spirit into your home when you choose not to read the words of His chosen prophets for months on end:

1. Contention easily finds its way into your home. Satan loves it when scripture study and prayer aren't a priority for our families. He finds ways to cause more harm to our souls as we bicker with our loved ones which drives the Spirit further away.
2. Your testimony weakens. As wonderful as it is to believe that once you've gained a testimony and you decide not to do what you should that it will only plateau, it's a myth. Testimonies either grow or they wither. There is no in-between.
Lastly,
3. Church begins to feel like a burden. Once you begin to sink to this level of thinking, you should be bonked on the head with an "Ah-ha!" moment, but sadly, it doesn't work this way. Church seems to be an after-thought when you've invited the Lord to exit your home. When He is no longer the center of your world, it will come easier to you to justify not attending all three hours of church by saying: "Well, I'm too tired." or (this is my personal favorite) "We'll go next week."

It is so important to develop habits that will create room in your home for the Lord to stay. We have made a colossal error in not trying to make room in our ever-so small apartment for Him. There is always room. I feel entirely guilty as He has stood knocking on my door while I have ignored His plea for entrance.
I've received quite a few promptings to change, yet I have brushed them off the shoulder. It wasn't until yesterday when we finally decided after months to attend all three hours of church that I realized the subtle ways Satan had been taking me captive.
As I sat in Relief Society trying to find that one tidbit of the teacher's testimony that could release me from this struggle, this question came to mind: What lack I yet?
It wasn't a minute after I had this thought that the sweet sister
teaching the lesson shared this thought:
"No marriage can thrive without the spirit of Christ."
As quiet as it came, I took that thought as my lightning bolt of realization that we needed to make some changes in our home.
Last night, before we went to bed, I opened up the drawer to my nightstand and pulled out the scriptures I had used on my mission. There is a lot of wear and tear as well as markings of verses that have particularly spoken to me. As I held the book in my hands, I felt so much peace. You can only imagine what I felt when I cracked it open to begin reading with my husband.
When we knelt at our bedside to pray, I felt so much love for my Savior and for His atonement. We all fall short, and we all make mistakes. I have felt that the last few months of our marriage could have been so much better had we made a more conscious effort to let Him in. I know that when we do, He will work wonders for us as we strive to live the life our Heavenly Father would have us live.
I wouldn't say that it was necessarily worth it to let my testimony wither a little bit just to have this experience, but because I cannot get the past back, I am grateful that I followed the promptings when I did; otherwise--with time--I probably would have started to question.
I know that when we actively seek the Lord in all aspects of our lives, our faith will always conquer our doubts. I am eternally grateful for help coming to the rescue when it did. I couldn't imagine myself doubting the wonders of the restored gospel, but I know it happens to many people on a daily basis.

I am not willing to allow the adversary to take advantage of my happiness.
Are you?

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Marital Bliss

It's almost that time again--well, again for the first time, if that makes any sense at all. We're two weeks away from celebrating our first anniversary!

I would have waited to boast about how great the (almost) past 365 days have been with my fabulous husband, but we'll be away from the internet as we cruise on down to Mexico to celebrate!

Lately, Corey and I have been asked for advice from those who haven't found their forever yet. We have had a lot of opportunities to solidify our answers.

For those of you who are still out there looking--maybe waiting--for your companion, your expectations should be no more than: 

1) Your spouse will put one-hundred percent into your relationship just the same as you will. 

and 2) Your spouse will love you endlessly.

Corey and I have found that having unnecessary expectations for one another will just cause more disagreements than a husband and wife care to worry about. I'll be honest and say that when we got married, I expected him to take out the garbage without me asking, and I also expected him to know exactly what to do and say when I'm upset. On the other hand, Corey expected me to do the dishes every night, and to clean all the time. This caused a lot of stress that neither of us needed. 

This past year, we've learned that we should set all other expectations aside, and just love. When you love an individual, you feel a greater inclination to serve them. 

Corey and I don't assign each other chores. We've decided to treat each other as equals. It makes things much better between us. I've taken out the garbage a handful of times just as Corey has cooked dinner quite a bit. Essentially, if we see something that needs to be done, instead of wasting away on unreasonable arguments, we pick up a broom, a spatula, or a sponge and we get the job done. 

The key ingredient to a loving home is to politely ask, not silently expect. Communication is vital if you want your relationship to flourish--and that doesn't mean constant bickering over whose turn it is to clean the toilet.

I think you could say we've had a successful first year together. I can see the growth in both of us as individuals and as a partnership. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I suffer from a bad case of stubbornness. I have to be right--not all the time, but most. Corey has taught me patience through his example. He has never raised his voice at me, and he was always the first to apologize when we I was fighting. While I still get irritated (who doesn't?!) with my spouse, it comes easier to me to just stop, breathe, and make it right.

Likewise, when I married Corey, he wasn't entirely focused on excelling in school. As long he got a passing grade, he was fine. As we went through school fall semester, I could see him focusing more and more on what grade he received and the quality of his work. It was so rewarding to see him light up at his grades when they were posted. They were well-deserved.

Who knew that spending hours on end with the same person every day for a year would yield so many opportunities for personal betterment?

Nearly one year down and eternity to go!

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The Sting of Death

Recently, the country commemorated the anniversary of our independence with a day of fun while our family suffered a tremendous loss: our Covey. 

Tomorrow, Corey and I will be boarding a plane to fly home for the weekend to mourn with our family as we attend this beautiful angel's funeral.

This post is incredibly hard to write. Usually the words just come to me, but there's an evident block in my thinking. We are in a state of intense grief over Covey's passing because he was such a light to all of us. He was playful, silly, loving, and loud--his random, deafening screams will be dearly missed.

While I was just a cousin who only saw Covey a handful of times a year, those moments of connection with him are what I have to hold on to. I don't know why he would always choose me to take on a living room or backyard sightseeing tour as soon as I'd set foot in my uncle's home for the holidays or other get-togethers, but I am filled with gratitude that I had those moments to share with this sweet boy.

Because of his condition, he wasn't able to verbally communicate; I guess you could say I've never had a conversation with Covey, but I can tell you one thing: he loved everybody he came in contact with. One could tell by the way he looked at and interacted with them. His smile ranged from ear to ear while his laugh was utterly infectious, his eyes brightened with joy.

I cannot put into words how much I miss him and will continue to miss him when I go home for the holidays again. It won't be the same not having someone beg me to come with them to see the swings or look at the toys. 

It is in times like this that we want to blame God. I want to blame God, just as many of us do; but I can't find it in my heart to do so. 

I find it hard to set my perspective to the eternal setting as I grieve, but I do know that one day we will find so much peace and joy in the plan of salvation our Heavenly Father has laid out for us, that the words found in Mosiah 16:7-8 are nothing short of a solid truth: 

"And if Christ has not risen from the dead, or have broken the bands of death that the grave should have no victory, and that death should have no string, there could have been no resurrection. But there IS a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ."

The only separation between Covey and his family is the veil. One day, it will be lifted and we will see him again.

Meanwhile, he is enveloped in the arms of a father who loves him so much, and that is so very comforting to ponder. 

Covey may not be with us physically, but that is only temporary. 

All I know is that Covey is touching many more hearts as he ventures through the spirit world declaring the truth that Jesus is the Christ with his loving and absolutely perfect personality.  

I send my thanks to God for placing him in mortality when He did. 

I'll see you soon, Covey, but until then, I'll miss you.

 

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Finding Strength

For months, I have felt like I've done nothing but let people down. There is a quite obvious disconnect between my best what others seem to be believe my best should be. Allowing myself to vocalize my feelings only makes things worse. What comes from my heart--in love--sends a message to the recipient of offense, pride, and hate. I have felt and continue to feel that my best isn't good enough for anybody.
Strength is defined as: the emotional or mental qualities necessary in dealing with situations or events that are distressing or difficult.
If that's what strength is, I have most definitely failed to fortify my emotions. What lack I yet? Strength.
An individual can only take so much heat. Eventually, they'll get tired and collapse from the pain and lack of comfort.
I'm at that point.
Within the past ninety days, what I have considered effort has strained multiple relationships. I have racked my brain trying to reach a conclusion which will provide me answers. I have found none.
I am incapable of numbering the tears that have fallen from my cheeks. On numerous occasions, I've fallen into a depressive state over the incomprehensible failure I seem to have become.
These are my thoughts.
However, they are not the thoughts the Lord would have me think about myself; Satan is feeding me these ideas.
It is so easy to fall into Satan's trap when things are going wrong. These preconceived notions he puts into my mind are far easier to dwell on because I already believe them to be true.
So how do I get out?
How do I think more highly about myself despite the relationships I've left in ruins?
All words in the English language, more than likely, have multiple definitions.
Strength is also defined as: the influence or power possessed by a person.
Through his atoning sacrifice, Jesus Christ, was given the power to strengthen others; he acquired the enabling power to strengthen me when I am weak. But I have to rely on him.
Lately, I haven't done that.
I've been wallowing in my pride trying to decipher the reasons for my past failures while neglecting to call upon his atonement. This is precisely how Satan got the better of me.
If we continue to give the adversary the upper hand in our battles against failure, we are cheating ourselves out of the perfect and infinite love of our Savior.
The Lord holds all the power to restore the broken--and boy, am I broken.
Turn away from self-hatred, and turn to the Savior who gave his life because of his love for you.
He heals, he frees, he empowers, he strengthens, and most importantly, he loves. There is nothing any of us can do--whether we have done our best or not--that will cause him to withhold the blessings of his love.
As long as we break from the chains of failure, we can begin to progress with Christ who will walk every step, every mile, until we reach our destination.
Do not fall for Satan--although it's the easiest route to take.
Re-route and follow Christ.
He would never make you believe you aren't good enough.
We should all want that in our lives.

 

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In His Time

Yesterday afternoon, Corey and I had the privilege of sitting on the stand during Bishop Gerald Causse's, the presiding bishop of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, devotional here at BYU-Idaho. It was an exciting experience as we were led to our seats and told that in a few short moments, Bishop Causse would be entering in and sitting directly in front of us. What!
Out of respect, we all stood as he walked onto the stage, and Corey and I both had the privilege to shake his hand before he settled in to his seat.
If you have not yet had the privilege of being in the same breathing space as a general authority, let me tell you that it is one of the most gracious, spiritual experiences one will ever have in this life. The Spirit I felt when I shook this man's hand opened up my heart to him as more than a man, but a man called by a higher authority; my heart softened as the Spirit whispered that this man is someone I should listen to, someone I should learn from.
He may not be an apostle, but the confirmation I felt was just the same as when I met L. Tom Perry last year, shortly before he passed away. A man of God is a man of God--no matter how low or high the position. Their purpose is one in the same.
It is safe to say that Bishop Causse is still human; he is still susceptible to making mistakes just as you and I. I do not look up to him because he holds a position of power in the Church.
Not at all.
I do, however, revere him as a man who has taken his calling from God in stride. I esteem him as someone who knows he is less than God, someone who righteously exercises his priesthood obligations, someone who teaches by and through the Spirit of God rather than his own wisdom.

What he taught those in attendance yesterday resides in my heart today and, I would hope, every day from here on out:

Developing a vision for eternity.

His main focus was about time and how little of it we are given in this life. 

We shouldn't waste it on things of minute importance, or waste it by trying to slow it down--because that won't ever work. Instead, we should recognize life as a "wonderful moment of eternity."

Bishop shared with us five points which will aid us in developing this vision;

1. Learn from the past and move forward.

We all know the famous scene in The Lion King where Rafiki hits Simba in the head with his stick. When Simba asks what that act of violence was about, Rafiki responds, "It doesn't matter it's in the past." Nothing we have done in the past will hold us back from progressing--as long as we are willing to change. We don't need to change the past; we only need to learn from it and move on. It's over and done. There's nothing we can do about it.

2. Don't get discouraged. It is never too late.

It's the little things that will give us momentum to win the race today. It's the little victories that make us champions today. He gave an example of John Akhwari who represented his country in the 1968 Olympics. He finished beyond last due to a dislocated knee. When asked why he continued the marathon, he said, "My country did not send me 5,000 miles to start the race; they sent me 5,000 miles to finish the race."

Likewise, Heavenly Father did not send us here to start the journey. He sent us here to finish.

Moment of truth: I can't run a mile without stopping to walk. I get tired, my stomach will cramp or maybe I'll get distracted by something. Despite what slows me down, it doesn't take away my potential to finish my mile. It might just take much, much longer than those who are career athletes. It's no different with the gospel. Don't get discouraged because you see members living the gospel perfectly. You'll get there. It's a process. Use the Atonement to help you. It isn't for the sinners. It's for the imperfect. It's for us all.

3. Don't wait. Now is the time.

Something he said while making this point struck me:
"Eternity is made up a succession of now's, not a string of tomorrow's."
Our eternal clock is made of an infinite array of numbers. It'll never stop ticking. We will have infinite ticks and tocks to reflect on what we have done in this life. Do we want to say we gave up or do we want to say we tried our hardest to get there?

4. Accept God's timing.

Should we despair when blessings are slow to come? 

While the Lord may be sending blessings at the speed of a snail, they will come. God never strays from his promises. Some blessings come quicker than others, but it is all in the Lord's timing. He knows better than we do. He knows what we need at what time.

In the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "Some blessings come soon, some come later, and some don't come until Heaven"; but they come.

5. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Make it a priority to repent before you go to sleep so that you can effectively and righteously begin the remainder of your mortal journey. When you wake up, leave yesterday behind you and tomorrow before you; leave only room for now. 

I appreciated his talk so much. The Spirit was an active participant in yesterday's devotional and I couldn't be more grateful for the blessings of comfort and encouragement the Lord rained down on me. I appreciate men like Bishop Causse who take time to listen to the Spirit, to know what the speak on so the Spirit can uplift and edify those who are seeking to change and progress. 

While the words were heard from the mouth of a man, the affects and desires of many to change were felt through the Spirit of God. I know when we listen to the words of our leaders, we can feel the subtle influence of the holy ghost which will aid us to develop the capacity to progress in this life. We can also learn and feel from the Spirit whom the Lord has called to lead us back into His arms. It just so happens that this devotional was one of those sacred experiences for me; it was a sacred experience which allowed me to reaffirm and strengthen my testimony and conviction that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true and living church and that our leaders truly are called of God to lead and guide us in our daily efforts to become like the Savior, Jesus Christ.

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God Speaks

It's no secret that I believe--actually, know would be a better word--that God exists as a loving Father who created us, who loves us, who hears us and blesses us. While it can be difficult for some to find that same knowledge as I have gained, it is not, even in the slightest, impossible. God does not manifest Himself in the flesh on a daily basis, but He does truly manifest Himself  through--at least--two different mediums: situations, and the Spirit.
I was very open with the world about having a hard time finding a job. Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe the magnitude of my feelings towards our predicament. I wanted something with decent pay, that wouldn't require me to work on Sundays, but it felt impossible to find a job that would comply with my will. While Corey was traveling for work this past semester, I would spend hours a day searching for jobs that would become available through the school. I would open an application, edit my resume, write a cover letter, submit the form, and await a positive response. None would come. The process repeated time and time again, always with the same outcome. Then it happened.
I received an e-mail three and a half weeks before Corey was supposed to be finished with his work for the job I mentioned in my previous post. We both felt rather strongly about heading up to Rexburg earlier than anticipated. Our thoughts were that I would be offered this job.
That wasn't the case.
My initial response was confusion. I had prayed for this position to be extended to me. I thought maybe it was the right time.
Did I misunderstand the prompting Heavenly Father sent through the Holy Ghost? Was it not a prompting at all; was it just myself?
Wrong again.
One week after being rejected, I checked my email to find something rather interesting in my inbox.
"I work for LDS Philanthropies", the e-mail said. "I received your name from a contact at BYU-Idaho who felt you would be a good fit for us. If you would like to apply for a position here, please send your resume."
I think I stared at my phone, my eyes wide with elated confusion, for at least ten seconds. This was too good to be true!
The interview took place last week and I prayed and prayed that I would get it, if it was the Lord's will. It was.
Not an hour after the second interview concluded yesterday afternoon, I was informed that I had been hired as a student receptionist for the office, with hours that would fit perfectly with my school schedule, allow my husband and I to keep the class we've so desperately wanted to take together, and keep the Sabbath day holy as He has commanded and as I have had a sincere desire to follow.
I may not have gotten the job that I had initially thought the Lord was preparing me for, but I got the job He was actually preparing me for--all because I had a desire to love the Lord more than my bank account and follow Him when He has led me, never postponing His promptings.
With promptings in mind, as I was driving to my interview yesterday, it had occurred to me that I hadn't prayed. Because I was behind the wheel, I obviously didn't fold my arms or close my eyes, but I knew that wasn't the criteria for God hearing me; my nature as His child means He will always take the time to hear my prayers. 
I didn't miss a beat when I felt I needed to pray, so I did. During my plea for strength and confidence, I felt this little voice say: Ask about Joseph Smith.
Random, I thought. I already know, without a shadow of a doubt that he's a prophet! However, after all the blessings I've received from following the Lord with little to no hesitation, I decided to ask.
Did Joseph Smith see--chills. Absolute chills. I hadn't even finished the question when I felt my body shaking with truth and burning with belief. The peace that accompanied this feeling was greater than the first time I had asked. I decided to finish the question anyways. Did Joseph Smith see what he--again! It happened again!--saw? I knew I had already received my answer to this simple question about the boy who claimed to have seen God. In that instant, I heard that same little voice whisper, "Yes." It was a special witness to me, just one more time, that the "claim" is no longer a claim. What that boy said he saw, he did see. He couldn't deny it because he knew God knew what he saw. Now, I cannot deny it because I've received yet another witness that he saw what he saw, and God knows I've received that witness--because He gave it to me.
God hears us. He puts blessings in our paths every day--some bigger than others, but they are there. He gives us promptings to follow. Some seem only of minor importance, but those are testing our desire to follow God in every capacity. In these instances, for me, I learned a few things absolutely critical to my salvation:
God is real.
God loves me.
God is aware of me.
God speaks to His children.
Because of all those things, He has called a prophet to lead us so that we do not go astray.
Only God gave me the ability to know these things through His divine messenger.
No teacher could ever replicate the lesson that God--through the Spirit--taught me these past few days. Teachers help us believe and help lead us to the Lord with our questions. The Lord helps us turn those beliefs into knowledge.
Following promptings is so important in our quest for happiness. The Lord knows every path that winds its way to Him, and He will direct our course.
Not every journey follows the same path. That is precisely why we've been blessed with the gift of personal revelation. Let the Lord direct you on your journey. Let Him mark the paths you should take. The roads have been paved through His Atoning sacrifice. Although there will be twists and turns, with Him on your side, it will be far less bumpy. 
Turn to Him; walk with Him.

  

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His Route

Today, I received an e-mail from an employer whom I'd interviewed with last week explaining that I wouldn't be extended the position I so desperately wanted. Immediately, I felt a heavy burden of confusion and uneasiness as I read his words, "Best of luck in your future endeavors."
Questions such as, am I not good enough? What did I say wrong? What should I have done better? Should I not pursue an English major? Is my writing poorly constructed? Should I quit? raced through my mind as I tried to piece together the unknown reason for not being chosen to contribute to this particular program.
When I approached my husband to give him the news, my confusion turned into anger and eventually into tears. I poured my heart out in hopes that Corey would say something like, "They don't know what they're doing" to make me feel better.
To my surprise, he didn't say what I had wanted to hear.
Instead, he embraced me and calmly expressed, "God didn't want this for you at this time."
Such simple, yet profound words.
I do tend to forget that God is in every aspect of my life. I had prayed time and time again that I would be offered this job--both times I'd been interviewed.
Neither outcome was what I wanted. However, I now recognize that God's plan and my plan--although the destination remains the same--differ in route.
When we pray, we need to have the intention of accepting and embracing God's will over our own. That was something I had trouble with this morning, but my vision has been broadened.
Sometimes our lives are loaded with burdens that seem too difficult to carry on our own--so much, in fact, that the call to give up seems too easy to answer. I was reminded of the scripture in Mosiah 24 when Alma and his people were forbidden to pray by Amulon, a Lamanite. The cost was death.
While they did not pray aloud, the people continued to pour their hearts out to God in silence. In faith, they prayed. Because of their faith, the Lord answered.
"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions saying, "Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions" (13-14).
These words are like gold. In times of struggle, we may feel like God doesn't hear our prayers, nor does He answer them. False.
Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, our burdens can be lifted even while we're walking through trial and tribulation. Christ is always there, waiting for us to give Him part of our load.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).
The miracle of trials is not that God lifts them when we want Him to; the miracle is His Son who will lift the load and carry it with us until we cross the finish line.
In moments of despair, anguish, uncertainty and confusion, it may seem like the end of the world. Then I remember the words the Lord spoke to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail:
"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high" (D&C 121:7-8).
These struggles we go through are so small in comparison to what the the Savior suffered for each of us. The agony, the pain, the literal heartache Jesus Christ experienced for you and me was suffered so we will not have to drink the bitter cup alone.
Whatever we go through in this life, whatever storm is raging, will only last a small moment when we keep an eternal perspective. While the trial at hand seems to break you in two, as did mine, Christ will mend it and allow us to regain our sight on celestial glory. He knows where we're going; He knows how we'll get there. When things do not go our way, we need to understand that our way should be aligned with His way. We need to accept that the Lord's map to eternal life is without error. Little by little, piece by piece, the Lord will give us the ability to see how to get there.
When life gets hard and things do not go as planned, turn to God. He truly does visit His people in their afflictions.
The Lord spoke through Corey when he told me what he did. That couldn't have just been my husband speaking to me because it sunk deep in my soul. As cheesy as it sounds, it's true.
The Lord will send people, opportunities, quotes, and scriptures--to name a few--that will enable us to get through the storm. But know this, it will pass. It won't last forever.
In the words of Victor Hugo, "Even the darkest night will end & the sun will rise."

 

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