Questions such as, am I not good enough? What did I say wrong? What should I have done better? Should I not pursue an English major? Is my writing poorly constructed? Should I quit? raced through my mind as I tried to piece together the unknown reason for not being chosen to contribute to this particular program.
When I approached my husband to give him the news, my confusion turned into anger and eventually into tears. I poured my heart out in hopes that Corey would say something like, "They don't know what they're doing" to make me feel better.
To my surprise, he didn't say what I had wanted to hear.
Instead, he embraced me and calmly expressed, "God didn't want this for you at this time."
Such simple, yet profound words.
I do tend to forget that God is in every aspect of my life. I had prayed time and time again that I would be offered this job--both times I'd been interviewed.
Neither outcome was what I wanted. However, I now recognize that God's plan and my plan--although the destination remains the same--differ in route.
When we pray, we need to have the intention of accepting and embracing God's will over our own. That was something I had trouble with this morning, but my vision has been broadened.
Sometimes our lives are loaded with burdens that seem too difficult to carry on our own--so much, in fact, that the call to give up seems too easy to answer. I was reminded of the scripture in Mosiah 24 when Alma and his people were forbidden to pray by Amulon, a Lamanite. The cost was death.
While they did not pray aloud, the people continued to pour their hearts out to God in silence. In faith, they prayed. Because of their faith, the Lord answered.
"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions saying, "Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions" (13-14).
These words are like gold. In times of struggle, we may feel like God doesn't hear our prayers, nor does He answer them. False.
Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, our burdens can be lifted even while we're walking through trial and tribulation. Christ is always there, waiting for us to give Him part of our load.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).
The miracle of trials is not that God lifts them when we want Him to; the miracle is His Son who will lift the load and carry it with us until we cross the finish line.
In moments of despair, anguish, uncertainty and confusion, it may seem like the end of the world. Then I remember the words the Lord spoke to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail:
"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high" (D&C 121:7-8).
These struggles we go through are so small in comparison to what the the Savior suffered for each of us. The agony, the pain, the literal heartache Jesus Christ experienced for you and me was suffered so we will not have to drink the bitter cup alone.
Whatever we go through in this life, whatever storm is raging, will only last a small moment when we keep an eternal perspective. While the trial at hand seems to break you in two, as did mine, Christ will mend it and allow us to regain our sight on celestial glory. He knows where we're going; He knows how we'll get there. When things do not go our way, we need to understand that our way should be aligned with His way. We need to accept that the Lord's map to eternal life is without error. Little by little, piece by piece, the Lord will give us the ability to see how to get there.
When life gets hard and things do not go as planned, turn to God. He truly does visit His people in their afflictions.
The Lord spoke through Corey when he told me what he did. That couldn't have just been my husband speaking to me because it sunk deep in my soul. As cheesy as it sounds, it's true.
The Lord will send people, opportunities, quotes, and scriptures--to name a few--that will enable us to get through the storm. But know this, it will pass. It won't last forever.
In the words of Victor Hugo, "Even the darkest night will end & the sun will rise."
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