Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Five More Minutes



With so much left to say I prayed, "Lord I ain't finished
Just give us five more minutes"

Time rolls by, the clock don't stop
I wish I had a few more drops
Of the good stuff, the good times
Oh, but they just keep on flying
Right on by like it ain't nothing
Wish I had me a pause button
Moments like those Lord knows I'd hit it
Yeah, sometimes this ol' life will leave you wishing
That you had five more minutes
Oh five more minutes



Imagine you've just been ripped apart by loss, you're sitting at a concert listening to one of your favorite singers, and these words are rippling through the auditorium. How do you not cry? Honestly, when we went to see Scotty McCreery, I wasn't expecting to be so mesmerized by his emotion. As soon as he began singing the chorus, all the rawness just came back. Of course, everything is still raw. It's been less than two months so how could it be anything but raw?
When Christian died, I wasn't finished. I wasn't finished with my time with him. We had plans to see each other at Christmas. I had just switched around my grad plan so I could attend his high school graduation. I just wasn't done.
There are no truer words than what Scotty sang that night.
I wish there was a pause button. If there was, and I had known, I would have hit it when Christian and Mom came to visit just three weeks before we lost him. I would have begged them to stay for a few more minutes, but I was under the impression I would see them in just three short months. Such wasn't the case.
I know that it's better for us to look ahead than to look back and wallow in our regrets, but in the past is where my fondest memories are of Christian. I want to stay there. Being so young, I feel that if I allow myself to move along as time does, then Christian will get further and further away. I look at the calendar and realize it's already been over a month and a half since his death and I don't want the clock to keep ticking because that means Christian will be in the past.
I can't fathom him simply being a memory of my early adulthood.
It isn't fair.
Big sisters aren't supposed to spend decades upon decades wishing they could have had the opportunity to watch their little brother grow up, go to college, get married, and have kids. That shouldn't be a wishful thought. That should be a reality; but unfortunately, it isn't for me.
The truth is, I will never get those things.
I will never see Christian graduate.
I will never see Christian get married.
I will never see Christian become a dad.
I will never see Christian become infinitely more than who he came into this world being.

At least not here.

It is so hard for me to look ahead.
Of course I'm going to be spending a lot of my time looking into the past, because that's where Christian is...but he's also ahead.
No matter the speed of the ticking clock, Christian will never get further away.
Although this is my fear of moving forward in months and years, he will not be left behind.
The more I age, and the closer I get to the veil, the closer I get to Christian.
So no matter where I am in life, I am always close to him.
Always.

Yes, this life truly leaves me wishing that I had five more minutes with Christian, but in all honesty, having five extra minutes is nothing in comparison to all the time I will get with him when we are reunited in the next life.
As much as I don't want to move forward in time, I don't want to hit the pause button. Not now.
As the clock ticks, life flees, but eternity beckons.
I want eternity with my family.
I so look forward to seeing Christian as the boy he was before depression overcame him.
I cannot wait to hug my brother and see how much growth he was able to attain just by being in the spirit world and having been welcomed by a very loving, Heavenly Father--to see that He is real, and that He loves him.

I'm in no way saying that I'm okay, or that I'm happy because of my knowledge that families are eternal, but the gospel gives me hope in the midst of my despair, and a little bit of light which will eventually outshine the darkness.
Grief still hangs on my back, gripping me tighter and tighter with every moment that passes.
I'm starting to understand Lehi's vision of the tree of life.
I'm barely holding to the rod, but the point is: I'm holding on.
There have been so many times that I have just wanted to scream "I give up!" and let go, but I haven't.
Although difficult through my grief, I can envision Christian up ahead calling my name, telling me to keep holding on. Every so often, I catch little glimpses of brightness eternity gives off. It gives me hope.
I can do this.
I don't want to do it, but I can do it.

I love my brother, but more importantly, I know God loves my brother.
I know that he is near me.
I know that he is rooting for me from the other side of the veil.
I know that he is just as eager as I am to be reunited at the end of this mortal life.
As time goes on, he and I will get closer to that happy day, and I can truly say, "All is well."
But until then, I just have to hold on and let the clock keep ticking.






Thursday, October 6, 2016

His Hand

It's been a rather trying month since Christian left. I have experienced emotions that range from all areas of the spectrum from anger to joy, from doubt to hope. There have most certainly been ups and downs--unfortunately, I've spent the majority of my grief burrowed in a hole of sadness; however, peace is slowly helping me to resurface.
I mentioned in my first post after tragedy struck again this summer that I haven't been entirely sure how to feel towards God. I've put the blame on Him. I've neglected to speak to Him at times--actually, "neglected" seems to be inefficient in explaining precisely what I had been purposefully doing, which was "ignoring" Him. I didn't want to speak to God for quite some time. I still have my days.
Yesterday, my childhood friend, Maddy, and I took a day trip to Afton, Wyoming to go to the first temple open house we'd been to since last decade. As we rode in the wagon, wrapped in our blankets as we braced the fierce Wyoming wind, our tour guide told us a stained glass portrait of the Savior knocking at the door would be the very first thing we'd spot as we would walk into the temple. She was right...it was gorgeous and thought-provoking.
I pondered the strength of my testimony over the course of the past five years. For the longest time, I didn't quite believe in God's existence...especially as a loving Heavenly Father because my life seemed to be in shambles because of choices I had made. If He loved me, how could He allow me to be in such a dark place? I couldn't possibly understand. So I chose to throw His existence by the wayside and do my own thing.
When life seemed to be getting harder, I realized it might be better for me to understand the nature of God more fully--if He existed, then what could it hurt? Maybe He could help. I wasn't sure, but I gave it a shot. I picked up my copy of The Book of Mormon and read, then I prayed. I felt His arms wrapped around me, and that's when my faith began to surface.
Over the years since that evening, my testimony has flourished. I was so set in my convictions that I knew a year and a half before my nineteenth birthday that I would serve a mission. Because of my determination, nothing got in the way, and on February 5, 2014 I set out to preach the gospel.
Nothing stood in between the Lord and me between the time I first received a witness of His reality to the time I left on my mission. Absolutely nothing. We were perfect.
But then the headaches started. I struggled for about six months with severe, chronic migraines. I knew at seven months that I wasn't going to finish my mission, but my pride got in the way and I held on until I reached thirteen months.
I wasn't angry at God during this time, but I was confused. I thought I was so great. I had a handle on the missionary thing and I felt like I was fulfilling my purpose. Why did I have to go home?
Not a month after my return last year, I received a phone call from my mom letting me know the high school called to inform her Christian wasn't there. I walked into his room to find his bag lying on the floor beside his bed, but he was gone. Frantic, I left the house, shoeless, to go to the first place I thought I could find him. Not there. It was awful. I didn't know what was going on, and I didn't know what had happened to my little brother.
It was about two hours (or so it seemed) after that phone call that my mom found Christian walking down the main street in our neighborhood and learned he had been contemplating suicide all day long, but he didn't go through with it. Immediately after walking in the door, Christian went with Mom into her bedroom and he called the suicide hotline.
We were worried sick about him. I remember pulling his mattress into the living room, turning on Psych, and having a campout to ensure he'd be safe with us there.
The next day, Christian spent most of his time laying on his bed. As the protective big sister that I was, I wanted to check on him. I quietly knocked on his door, and he grumbled at me. That usually meant I could come in.
I sat on his bed, and he looked at me for a brief moment. I told him how much I loved him. Then the tears began to trickle down my face.
"Christian," I whispered.
No answer. His eyes met mine.
"Please don't leave me."
Again, no answer.
Through my silent sobs, I told him how torn, broken, and hurt I would be if he ever went through with it. I told him again how much I loved him and how much I needed him to stay with me.
That week, Christian met with a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with depression.
Even during this time, I wasn't angry with God. In fact, I turned to Him much more than I did before. I felt confident that I had His trust, and Christian had His protection.
So I wondered why I came home from my mission five months earlier than anticipated.
This is why.
I came home, not only to marry Corey, but to have five months of uninterrupted time at home, under the same roof, with my brother.
I also wondered--racked my brain, even--why it took us six months after our wedding to find jobs.
Corey and I weren't able to find jobs so I could go home twice this year, for two weeks at a time, so I could be with my brother.
God's hand is in everything. His hand was in my suffering on my mission so that I could be there for Christian. His hand was in our inability to find jobs so we could have more time. His hand was even in my sister's and her husband's decision to move to Utah so Christian and Mom would have a reason to take a road trip--for us to have a shot at our shenanigans one last time.
The Lord knew. He knew what our family needed so we could have more time, more experiences, with Christian.
It still bothers me that He didn't intervene when Christian made his final plans, but I know that the Lord was still with Him. It wasn't a part of His plan, but He has a plan that will ensure the entrance of my little brother into His kingdom one day.
While I still struggle to understand what God's intentions were, as I looked at the picture of the Savior knocking at the door, I recognized my need to accept Him and let His atonement work in my life as I grieve.
Although I am upset in His allowance for Christian's death to transpire, I find gratitude in knowing His hand truly was in all aspects of my life over the past few years.
Had I not seen that piece of art in the temple yesterday, I don't know if I would have ever recognized just how much time the Lord gave Christian and me before he left.
He truly is always there.
Always.
He will never leave because of His infinite love for all of us.
I know He allows Christian to be near me at times, even though I cannot see him.
His hand is still working in my life, even though I've ignored His constant knock at my door.
I love my Savior, and I love my Heavenly Father.
I think I'm beginning to let Him back in, little by little, as I recognize the mighty miracles He's wrought in my life that has allotted me more time with my brother.
He truly is good and I love Him.










Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Good Grief

Now isn't that quite the oxymoron?
Two weeks ago, my baby brother chose to leave this life and it's literally broken my heart. All I'm left with are questions, heartache, and more questions. My entire being has been shifted into something I've never known. I'm different. I'll never be the same after his passing.
Our family can't seem to catch a break. In all honesty, I've wanted to shout this phrase to the skies and tell God to take a chill pill in allowing these tragedies to take place.
I've been so angry. So hurt. So weak. So desperate for Christian to walk through the door.
Bargaining.
Grief.
This is what will consume my soul during the remainder of my life here.
Why? Why do these things happen? Why--if God is so loving--does He allow these things to happen? How could He?
Anger.
Grief.
I don't know how to cope with this loss. I absolutely hate the phrase: "You'll get through this." No. No, I won't get through this. There is no getting through loss. There are only ways to cope...but I don't know how to cope.
I find it hard to laugh. I find it hard to enjoy the little things. Moreso, I feel guilty when I begin to find myself having a good time because Christian is gone.
Depression.
Grief.
Grief isn't something to get through or get over. Grief becomes an acquaintance with which you want to depart, but find the task to be impossible. Grief becomes a part of you. It's a part of me now.
While I sat in class today, we were meant to be discussing a scripture.
I couldn't speak.
I could feel the judgment emanating from my peers as we huddled in our little circle. They spoke in turn while I sat silently. Grief held my tongue while my mind raced from corner to corner rendering me inattentive to the words being spoken by my classmates.
They see I'm silent, maybe just shy.
Oh, how wrong they are.
If they only knew of the anguish of heart I was experiencing then maybe we would not have exchanged so many awkward glances as they awaited my admittance into their discussion.
Frankly, I don't know how I am going to get through the semester while the great grief hurricane rages. No one in this one class is going to understand my sinking shoulders or my teary eyes.
Only one will understand.
Jesus Christ.
Through His atonement, I can somehow make it through the semester while grief hangs on my back. I don't think the Lord can see to it that grief releases me from its grasp, but He sure can hold my hand while I walk this ever-so rocky course.
Some of you may ask why I will continue to put my faith in God when I am upset with Him. I may be confused, but I still trust Him. The difference between God and me is that He sees the bigger picture, something my mortal mind is incapable of doing.
I do it because of what Jeffrey R. Holland said:

When problems come and questions arise, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, leading as it were with your “unbelief.” That is like trying to stuff a turkey through the beak! Let me be clear on this point: I am not asking you to pretend to have faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have. Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an honest declaration of faith. It is not! So let us all remember the clear message of this scriptural account: Be as candid about your questions as you need to be; life is full of them on one subject or another. But if you and your family want to be healed, don’t let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle.

I still have faith in the Lord. I do not understand the reasoning behind all that He does, but I know that in time I will be able to be healed from this hurt and confusion which stands in between us if I will press forward in faith--even if I only have a sliver of it. 
I have faith that God loves me. Since Christian died, there have been days when I've felt it, and days when I have had nothing but questions and anger. But I know that even through my grief, He will continue to gain my trust in His character as a loving heavenly father who loves His children--even me, even Christian. I can't see it now, but I do have faith that I will see it someday.
I love Him, and I trust Christian is okay even though I would much rather him be here with me. 
One day it'll be so.
One day.







Monday, August 22, 2016

Will You Let Him In?

Vacation is over and it's back to reality for us. With our transition back to normal life, we were handed some sort of reality check--or maybe a spirituality check would be a more appropriate term.
Holidays and anniversaries always cause me to reflect on my life and where I'm headed on the path I've chosen. Well, this anniversary did just that for me, and I am so embarrassed to admit this, yet I'm absolutely thrilled to share this experience with you. Seriously.
I can honestly say that I don't know that last time Corey and I picked up a copy of The Book of Mormon or even said a prayer together. I know--awful--but that's not even the worst part!
It's so easy to get caught up in work, games, Netflix, school, and social media while it's much more difficult to set aside leisure activities and temporal responsibilities to center our focus on the Lord for an hour a day. After all, what you're doing isn't bad right?
Wrong.
How do we know when something good becomes wrong? When it takes you away from your Father in Heaven.
Corey and I have always made time to lie in bed and be on our phones while we try to fall asleep. While it isn't a bad nightly ritual, it would be much better for us to use that time to study the scriptures and have a heartfelt, meaningful conversation with the man upstairs.

Let me tell you the consequences and affects that come from neglecting to talk with God and invite the Spirit into your home when you choose not to read the words of His chosen prophets for months on end:

1. Contention easily finds its way into your home. Satan loves it when scripture study and prayer aren't a priority for our families. He finds ways to cause more harm to our souls as we bicker with our loved ones which drives the Spirit further away.
2. Your testimony weakens. As wonderful as it is to believe that once you've gained a testimony and you decide not to do what you should that it will only plateau, it's a myth. Testimonies either grow or they wither. There is no in-between.
Lastly,
3. Church begins to feel like a burden. Once you begin to sink to this level of thinking, you should be bonked on the head with an "Ah-ha!" moment, but sadly, it doesn't work this way. Church seems to be an after-thought when you've invited the Lord to exit your home. When He is no longer the center of your world, it will come easier to you to justify not attending all three hours of church by saying: "Well, I'm too tired." or (this is my personal favorite) "We'll go next week."

It is so important to develop habits that will create room in your home for the Lord to stay. We have made a colossal error in not trying to make room in our ever-so small apartment for Him. There is always room. I feel entirely guilty as He has stood knocking on my door while I have ignored His plea for entrance.
I've received quite a few promptings to change, yet I have brushed them off the shoulder. It wasn't until yesterday when we finally decided after months to attend all three hours of church that I realized the subtle ways Satan had been taking me captive.
As I sat in Relief Society trying to find that one tidbit of the teacher's testimony that could release me from this struggle, this question came to mind: What lack I yet?
It wasn't a minute after I had this thought that the sweet sister
teaching the lesson shared this thought:
"No marriage can thrive without the spirit of Christ."
As quiet as it came, I took that thought as my lightning bolt of realization that we needed to make some changes in our home.
Last night, before we went to bed, I opened up the drawer to my nightstand and pulled out the scriptures I had used on my mission. There is a lot of wear and tear as well as markings of verses that have particularly spoken to me. As I held the book in my hands, I felt so much peace. You can only imagine what I felt when I cracked it open to begin reading with my husband.
When we knelt at our bedside to pray, I felt so much love for my Savior and for His atonement. We all fall short, and we all make mistakes. I have felt that the last few months of our marriage could have been so much better had we made a more conscious effort to let Him in. I know that when we do, He will work wonders for us as we strive to live the life our Heavenly Father would have us live.
I wouldn't say that it was necessarily worth it to let my testimony wither a little bit just to have this experience, but because I cannot get the past back, I am grateful that I followed the promptings when I did; otherwise--with time--I probably would have started to question.
I know that when we actively seek the Lord in all aspects of our lives, our faith will always conquer our doubts. I am eternally grateful for help coming to the rescue when it did. I couldn't imagine myself doubting the wonders of the restored gospel, but I know it happens to many people on a daily basis.

I am not willing to allow the adversary to take advantage of my happiness.
Are you?





Monday, August 1, 2016

Marital Bliss

It's almost that time again--well, again for the first time, if that makes any sense at all. We're two weeks away from celebrating our first anniversary!
I would have waited to boast about how great the (almost) past 365 days have been with my fabulous husband, but we'll be away from the internet as we cruise on down to Mexico to celebrate!
Lately, Corey and I have been asked for advice from those who haven't found their forever yet. We have had a lot of opportunities to solidify our answers.
For those of you who are still out there looking--maybe waiting--for your companion, your expectations should be no more than: 
1) Your spouse will put one-hundred percent into your relationship just the same as you will. 
and 2) Your spouse will love you endlessly.
Corey and I have found that having unnecessary expectations for one another will just cause more disagreements than a husband and wife care to worry about. I'll be honest and say that when we got married, I expected him to take out the garbage without me asking, and I also expected him to know exactly what to do and say when I'm upset. On the other hand, Corey expected me to do the dishes every night, and to clean all the time. This caused a lot of stress that neither of us needed. 
This past year, we've learned that we should set all other expectations aside, and just love. When you love an individual, you feel a greater inclination to serve them. 
Corey and I don't assign each other chores. We've decided to treat each other as equals. It makes things much better between us. I've taken out the garbage a handful of times just as Corey has cooked dinner quite a bit. Essentially, if we see something that needs to be done, instead of wasting away on unreasonable arguments, we pick up a broom, a spatula, or a sponge and we get the job done. 
The key ingredient to a loving home is to politely ask, not silently expect. Communication is vital if you want your relationship to flourish--and that doesn't mean constant bickering over whose turn it is to clean the toilet.
I think you could say we've had a successful first year together. I can see the growth in both of us as individuals and as a partnership. 
Anyone who knows me knows that I suffer from a bad case of stubbornness. I have to be right--not all the time, but most. Corey has taught me patience through his example. He has never raised his voice at me, and he was always the first to apologize when we I was fighting. While I still get irritated (who doesn't?!) with my spouse, it comes easier to me to just stop, breathe, and make it right.
Likewise, when I married Corey, he wasn't entirely focused on excelling in school. As long he got a passing grade, he was fine. As we went through school fall semester, I could see him focusing more and more on what grade he received and the quality of his work. It was so rewarding to see him light up at his grades when they were posted. They were well-deserved.
Who knew that spending hours on end with the same person every day for a year would yield so many opportunities for personal betterment?
Nearly one year down and eternity to go!



Wednesday, July 6, 2016

The Sting of Death

Recently, the country commemorated the anniversary of our independence with a day of fun while our family suffered a tremendous loss: our Covey. 
Tomorrow, Corey and I will be boarding a plane to fly home for the weekend to mourn with our family as we attend this beautiful angel's funeral.
This post is incredibly hard to write. Usually the words just come to me, but there's an evident block in my thinking. We are in a state of intense grief over Covey's passing because he was such a light to all of us. He was playful, silly, loving, and loud--his random, deafening screams will be dearly missed.
While I was just a cousin who only saw Covey a handful of times a year, those moments of connection with him are what I have to hold on to. I don't know why he would always choose me to take on a living room or backyard sightseeing tour as soon as I'd set foot in my uncle's home for the holidays or other get-togethers, but I am filled with gratitude that I had those moments to share with this sweet boy.
Because of his condition, he wasn't able to verbally communicate; I guess you could say I've never had a conversation with Covey, but I can tell you one thing: he loved everybody he came in contact with. One could tell by the way he looked at and interacted with them. His smile ranged from ear to ear while his laugh was utterly infectious, his eyes brightened with joy.
I cannot put into words how much I miss him and will continue to miss him when I go home for the holidays again. It won't be the same not having someone beg me to come with them to see the swings or look at the toys. 
It is in times like this that we want to blame God. I want to blame God, just as many of us do; but I can't find it in my heart to do so. 
I find it hard to set my perspective to the eternal setting as I grieve, but I do know that one day we will find so much peace and joy in the plan of salvation our Heavenly Father has laid out for us, that the words found in Mosiah 16:7-8 are nothing short of a solid truth: 

"And if Christ has not risen from the dead, or have broken the bands of death that the grave should have no victory, and that death should have no string, there could have been no resurrection. But there IS a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ."

The only separation between Covey and his family is the veil. One day, it will be lifted and we will see him again.
Meanwhile, he is enveloped in the arms of a father who loves him so much, and that is so very comforting to ponder. 
Covey may not be with us physically, but that is only temporary. 
All I know is that Covey is touching many more hearts as he ventures through the spirit world declaring the truth that Jesus is the Christ with his loving and absolutely perfect personality.  
I send my thanks to God for placing him in mortality when He did. 
I'll see you soon, Covey, but until then, I'll miss you.

 

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Finding Strength

For months, I have felt like I've done nothing but let people down. There is a quite obvious disconnect between my best what others seem to be believe my best should be. Allowing myself to vocalize my feelings only makes things worse. What comes from my heart--in love--sends a message to the recipient of offense, pride, and hate. I have felt and continue to feel that my best isn't good enough for anybody.
Strength is defined as: the emotional or mental qualities necessary in dealing with situations or events that are distressing or difficult.
If that's what strength is, I have most definitely failed to fortify my emotions. What lack I yet? Strength.
An individual can only take so much heat. Eventually, they'll get tired and collapse from the pain and lack of comfort.
I'm at that point.
Within the past ninety days, what I have considered effort has strained multiple relationships. I have racked my brain trying to reach a conclusion which will provide me answers. I have found none.
I am incapable of numbering the tears that have fallen from my cheeks. On numerous occasions, I've fallen into a depressive state over the incomprehensible failure I seem to have become.
These are my thoughts.
However, they are not the thoughts the Lord would have me think about myself; Satan is feeding me these ideas.
It is so easy to fall into Satan's trap when things are going wrong. These preconceived notions he puts into my mind are far easier to dwell on because I already believe them to be true.
So how do I get out?
How do I think more highly about myself despite the relationships I've left in ruins?
All words in the English language, more than likely, have multiple definitions.
Strength is also defined as: the influence or power possessed by a person.
Through his atoning sacrifice, Jesus Christ, was given the power to strengthen others; he acquired the enabling power to strengthen me when I am weak. But I have to rely on him.
Lately, I haven't done that.
I've been wallowing in my pride trying to decipher the reasons for my past failures while neglecting to call upon his atonement. This is precisely how Satan got the better of me.
If we continue to give the adversary the upper hand in our battles against failure, we are cheating ourselves out of the perfect and infinite love of our Savior.
The Lord holds all the power to restore the broken--and boy, am I broken.
Turn away from self-hatred, and turn to the Savior who gave his life because of his love for you.
He heals, he frees, he empowers, he strengthens, and most importantly, he loves. There is nothing any of us can do--whether we have done our best or not--that will cause him to withhold the blessings of his love.
As long as we break from the chains of failure, we can begin to progress with Christ who will walk every step, every mile, until we reach our destination.
Do not fall for Satan--although it's the easiest route to take.
Re-route and follow Christ.
He would never make you believe you aren't good enough.
We should all want that in our lives.




 

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

In His Time

Yesterday afternoon, Corey and I had the privilege of sitting on the stand during Bishop Gerald Causse's, the presiding bishop of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, devotional here at BYU-Idaho. It was an exciting experience as we were led to our seats and told that in a few short moments, Bishop Causse would be entering in and sitting directly in front of us. What!
Out of respect, we all stood as he walked onto the stage, and Corey and I both had the privilege to shake his hand before he settled in to his seat.
If you have not yet had the privilege of being in the same breathing space as a general authority, let me tell you that it is one of the most gracious, spiritual experiences one will ever have in this life. The Spirit I felt when I shook this man's hand opened up my heart to him as more than a man, but a man called by a higher authority; my heart softened as the Spirit whispered that this man is someone I should listen to, someone I should learn from.
He may not be an apostle, but the confirmation I felt was just the same as when I met L. Tom Perry last year, shortly before he passed away. A man of God is a man of God--no matter how low or high the position. Their purpose is one in the same.
It is safe to say that Bishop Causse is still human; he is still susceptible to making mistakes just as you and I. I do not look up to him because he holds a position of power in the Church.
Not at all.
I do, however, revere him as a man who has taken his calling from God in stride. I esteem him as someone who knows he is less than God, someone who righteously exercises his priesthood obligations, someone who teaches by and through the Spirit of God rather than his own wisdom.

What he taught those in attendance yesterday resides in my heart today and, I would hope, every day from here on out:

Developing a vision for eternity.

His main focus was about time and how little of it we are given in this life. 
We shouldn't waste it on things of minute importance, or waste it by trying to slow it down--because that won't ever work. Instead, we should recognize life as a "wonderful moment of eternity."

Bishop shared with us five points which will aid us in developing this vision;

1. Learn from the past and move forward.

We all know the famous scene in The Lion King where Rafiki hits Simba in the head with his stick. When Simba asks what that act of violence was about, Rafiki responds, "It doesn't matter it's in the past." Nothing we have done in the past will hold us back from progressing--as long as we are willing to change. We don't need to change the past; we only need to learn from it and move on. It's over and done. There's nothing we can do about it.

2. Don't get discouraged. It is never too late.

It's the little things that will give us momentum to win the race today. It's the little victories that make us champions today. He gave an example of John Akhwari who represented his country in the 1968 Olympics. He finished beyond last due to a dislocated knee. When asked why he continued the marathon, he said, "My country did not send me 5,000 miles to start the race; they sent me 5,000 miles to finish the race."
Likewise, Heavenly Father did not send us here to start the journey. He sent us here to finish.
Moment of truth: I can't run a mile without stopping to walk. I get tired, my stomach will cramp or maybe I'll get distracted by something. Despite what slows me down, it doesn't take away my potential to finish my mile. It might just take much, much longer than those who are career athletes. It's no different with the gospel. Don't get discouraged because you see members living the gospel perfectly. You'll get there. It's a process. Use the Atonement to help you. It isn't for the sinners. It's for the imperfect. It's for us all.

3. Don't wait. Now is the time.

Something he said while making this point struck me:
"Eternity is made up a succession of now's, not a string of tomorrow's."
Our eternal clock is made of an infinite array of numbers. It'll never stop ticking. We will have infinite ticks and tocks to reflect on what we have done in this life. Do we want to say we gave up or do we want to say we tried our hardest to get there?

4. Accept God's timing.

Should we despair when blessings are slow to come? 
While the Lord may be sending blessings at the speed of a snail, they will come. God never strays from his promises. Some blessings come quicker than others, but it is all in the Lord's timing. He knows better than we do. He knows what we need at what time.
In the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, "Some blessings come soon, some come later, and some don't come until Heaven"; but they come.

5. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Make it a priority to repent before you go to sleep so that you can effectively and righteously begin the remainder of your mortal journey. When you wake up, leave yesterday behind you and tomorrow before you; leave only room for now. 

I appreciated his talk so much. The Spirit was an active participant in yesterday's devotional and I couldn't be more grateful for the blessings of comfort and encouragement the Lord rained down on me. I appreciate men like Bishop Causse who take time to listen to the Spirit, to know what the speak on so the Spirit can uplift and edify those who are seeking to change and progress. 

While the words were heard from the mouth of a man, the affects and desires of many to change were felt through the Spirit of God. I know when we listen to the words of our leaders, we can feel the subtle influence of the holy ghost which will aid us to develop the capacity to progress in this life. We can also learn and feel from the Spirit whom the Lord has called to lead us back into His arms. It just so happens that this devotional was one of those sacred experiences for me; it was a sacred experience which allowed me to reaffirm and strengthen my testimony and conviction that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true and living church and that our leaders truly are called of God to lead and guide us in our daily efforts to become like the Savior, Jesus Christ.











Tuesday, April 12, 2016

God Speaks

It's no secret that I believe--actually, know would be a better word--that God exists as a loving Father who created us, who loves us, who hears us and blesses us. While it can be difficult for some to find that same knowledge as I have gained, it is not, even in the slightest, impossible. God does not manifest Himself in the flesh on a daily basis, but He does truly manifest Himself  through--at least--two different mediums: situations, and the Spirit.
I was very open with the world about having a hard time finding a job. Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe the magnitude of my feelings towards our predicament. I wanted something with decent pay, that wouldn't require me to work on Sundays, but it felt impossible to find a job that would comply with my will. While Corey was traveling for work this past semester, I would spend hours a day searching for jobs that would become available through the school. I would open an application, edit my resume, write a cover letter, submit the form, and await a positive response. None would come. The process repeated time and time again, always with the same outcome. Then it happened.
I received an e-mail three and a half weeks before Corey was supposed to be finished with his work for the job I mentioned in my previous post. We both felt rather strongly about heading up to Rexburg earlier than anticipated. Our thoughts were that I would be offered this job.
That wasn't the case.
My initial response was confusion. I had prayed for this position to be extended to me. I thought maybe it was the right time.
Did I misunderstand the prompting Heavenly Father sent through the Holy Ghost? Was it not a prompting at all; was it just myself?
Wrong again.
One week after being rejected, I checked my email to find something rather interesting in my inbox.
"I work for LDS Philanthropies", the e-mail said. "I received your name from a contact at BYU-Idaho who felt you would be a good fit for us. If you would like to apply for a position here, please send your resume."
I think I stared at my phone, my eyes wide with elated confusion, for at least ten seconds. This was too good to be true!
The interview took place last week and I prayed and prayed that I would get it, if it was the Lord's will. It was.
Not an hour after the second interview concluded yesterday afternoon, I was informed that I had been hired as a student receptionist for the office, with hours that would fit perfectly with my school schedule, allow my husband and I to keep the class we've so desperately wanted to take together, and keep the Sabbath day holy as He has commanded and as I have had a sincere desire to follow.
I may not have gotten the job that I had initially thought the Lord was preparing me for, but I got the job He was actually preparing me for--all because I had a desire to love the Lord more than my bank account and follow Him when He has led me, never postponing His promptings.
With promptings in mind, as I was driving to my interview yesterday, it had occurred to me that I hadn't prayed. Because I was behind the wheel, I obviously didn't fold my arms or close my eyes, but I knew that wasn't the criteria for God hearing me; my nature as His child means He will always take the time to hear my prayers. 
I didn't miss a beat when I felt I needed to pray, so I did. During my plea for strength and confidence, I felt this little voice say: Ask about Joseph Smith.
Random, I thought. I already know, without a shadow of a doubt that he's a prophet! However, after all the blessings I've received from following the Lord with little to no hesitation, I decided to ask.
Did Joseph Smith see--chills. Absolute chills. I hadn't even finished the question when I felt my body shaking with truth and burning with belief. The peace that accompanied this feeling was greater than the first time I had asked. I decided to finish the question anyways. Did Joseph Smith see what he--again! It happened again!--saw? I knew I had already received my answer to this simple question about the boy who claimed to have seen God. In that instant, I heard that same little voice whisper, "Yes." It was a special witness to me, just one more time, that the "claim" is no longer a claim. What that boy said he saw, he did see. He couldn't deny it because he knew God knew what he saw. Now, I cannot deny it because I've received yet another witness that he saw what he saw, and God knows I've received that witness--because He gave it to me.
God hears us. He puts blessings in our paths every day--some bigger than others, but they are there. He gives us promptings to follow. Some seem only of minor importance, but those are testing our desire to follow God in every capacity. In these instances, for me, I learned a few things absolutely critical to my salvation:
God is real.
God loves me.
God is aware of me.
God speaks to His children.
Because of all those things, He has called a prophet to lead us so that we do not go astray.
Only God gave me the ability to know these things through His divine messenger.
No teacher could ever replicate the lesson that God--through the Spirit--taught me these past few days. Teachers help us believe and help lead us to the Lord with our questions. The Lord helps us turn those beliefs into knowledge.
Following promptings is so important in our quest for happiness. The Lord knows every path that winds its way to Him, and He will direct our course.
Not every journey follows the same path. That is precisely why we've been blessed with the gift of personal revelation. Let the Lord direct you on your journey. Let Him mark the paths you should take. The roads have been paved through His Atoning sacrifice. Although there will be twists and turns, with Him on your side, it will be far less bumpy. 
Turn to Him; walk with Him.

  



Wednesday, March 23, 2016

His Route

Today, I received an e-mail from an employer whom I'd interviewed with last week explaining that I wouldn't be extended the position I so desperately wanted. Immediately, I felt a heavy burden of confusion and uneasiness as I read his words, "Best of luck in your future endeavors."
Questions such as, am I not good enough? What did I say wrong? What should I have done better? Should I not pursue an English major? Is my writing poorly constructed? Should I quit? raced through my mind as I tried to piece together the unknown reason for not being chosen to contribute to this particular program.
When I approached my husband to give him the news, my confusion turned into anger and eventually into tears. I poured my heart out in hopes that Corey would say something like, "They don't know what they're doing" to make me feel better.
To my surprise, he didn't say what I had wanted to hear.
Instead, he embraced me and calmly expressed, "God didn't want this for you at this time."
Such simple, yet profound words.
I do tend to forget that God is in every aspect of my life. I had prayed time and time again that I would be offered this job--both times I'd been interviewed.
Neither outcome was what I wanted. However, I now recognize that God's plan and my plan--although the destination remains the same--differ in route.
When we pray, we need to have the intention of accepting and embracing God's will over our own. That was something I had trouble with this morning, but my vision has been broadened.
Sometimes our lives are loaded with burdens that seem too difficult to carry on our own--so much, in fact, that the call to give up seems too easy to answer. I was reminded of the scripture in Mosiah 24 when Alma and his people were forbidden to pray by Amulon, a Lamanite. The cost was death.
While they did not pray aloud, the people continued to pour their hearts out to God in silence. In faith, they prayed. Because of their faith, the Lord answered.
"And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions saying, "Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions" (13-14).
These words are like gold. In times of struggle, we may feel like God doesn't hear our prayers, nor does He answer them. False.
Because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, our burdens can be lifted even while we're walking through trial and tribulation. Christ is always there, waiting for us to give Him part of our load.
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).
The miracle of trials is not that God lifts them when we want Him to; the miracle is His Son who will lift the load and carry it with us until we cross the finish line.
In moments of despair, anguish, uncertainty and confusion, it may seem like the end of the world. Then I remember the words the Lord spoke to Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail:
"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high" (D&C 121:7-8).
These struggles we go through are so small in comparison to what the the Savior suffered for each of us. The agony, the pain, the literal heartache Jesus Christ experienced for you and me was suffered so we will not have to drink the bitter cup alone.
Whatever we go through in this life, whatever storm is raging, will only last a small moment when we keep an eternal perspective. While the trial at hand seems to break you in two, as did mine, Christ will mend it and allow us to regain our sight on celestial glory. He knows where we're going; He knows how we'll get there. When things do not go our way, we need to understand that our way should be aligned with His way. We need to accept that the Lord's map to eternal life is without error. Little by little, piece by piece, the Lord will give us the ability to see how to get there.
When life gets hard and things do not go as planned, turn to God. He truly does visit His people in their afflictions.
The Lord spoke through Corey when he told me what he did. That couldn't have just been my husband speaking to me because it sunk deep in my soul. As cheesy as it sounds, it's true.
The Lord will send people, opportunities, quotes, and scriptures--to name a few--that will enable us to get through the storm. But know this, it will pass. It won't last forever.
In the words of Victor Hugo, "Even the darkest night will end & the sun will rise."








 

Thursday, February 18, 2016

The Daily Curve Ball

Because Thursdays are now set aside for "throwbacks", I wanted to share a post I wrote for my mission blog just before I set out to serve. Remember: Satan is sneaky. 
"My journal has been sitting on my desk, untouched, for months and months. So, I figured I’d pick it up and get a kick out of some of the entries. I had forgotten, however, that this particular journal was set aside for spiritual promptings and general conference notes. I read anyways. Ten minutes and two paper-cuts later, I came to the notes I had taken on President Uchtdorf’s talk regarding the light of Christ in his conference address earlier this year. So incredibly moving. I feel that we are forgetful that God is purposefully throwing us curve balls while, however, not leaving us completely alone to fight through the trial at hand. The trials I typically think of are small--ones blamed on allowing the adversary to grab hold of me from time to time. President Uchtdorf gave a brilliant reminder in his address: 'We will make mistakes. We will falter, but the darkness will fade because it cannot dwell in the presence of light.' He went on to say that, 'Christ is the ultimate entrance into divine light. Even after the darkest night, God will lead you to the brightest dawn.' That rings true to my heart. We’ve been given the gift of the Atonement to allow us to repent of the things we do that are not in harmony with the teachings of the Savior, as well as to be comforted by His spirit when no one else can. Remember, He knows how you feel when trouble comes over you. Satan will get us from time to time because we are imperfect beings. He carries out his plan of attack when we are at our weakest. Whether it be a moment of despair, a moment of weakness, a moment of agony, remember it can be overcome by the power of our Savior through the Atonement. Light and darkness cannot coexist. Good will always triumph over evil. So long as you choose the Lord’s side, the darkness will fade and light will fill your heart." 
Naturally, with recent events in the Church, I thought of our members who are simply giving up because of the ill-lit path to salvation: questions, confusion, anger. These are the moments when we need to extend our hand and grab hold of the iron rod; we need to, in moments of darkness, grab hold of the Savior, whose hand is extended at all times towards each of us. When Lehi had the vision of the Tree of Life, the mist of darkness was so thick that nobody could see where they were going. The same "mist of darkness", at times, covers the path we are walking--so much, in fact, that it's hard to find our way out. Lehi saw the Iron Rod as a tool, as a guide, for those seeking eternal life to find and hold on to. While we are blinded by the darkness, at times, so long as we have our hands clutched onto the Word of God--Christ (John 1:1)--only then will we make it through to the tree. We must have faith that the rod will lead us to safety. When we wander off-course, the adversary has full control to send us in directions of which we know not the destination. In my experience, it's a safer bet to travel by blind faith than to be led blindly on unknown paths. I would much rather have something to hold on to--as well as know where I'm headed--than be afraid of the unknown.
As mentioned in my post from two years ago, Satan attacks when we least expect it. Even when we let the gospel go just a little bit, he'll sneak up and get us; he's beguiling. Satan didn't force Eve to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, rather, he enticed her to the point of her choosing to eat of it by way of free will. The adversary is just the same with us today. Satan doesn't run rampant and cause chaos because God doesn't care. In fact, God allows him to wreak havoc in the world because we need to choose the gospel, rather than be forced to live it. Trials--while they bring sorrow, despair, discomfort, and pain--if we rise triumphant, will cause ourselves to be enveloped in the arms of God's love. He will always provide a way to help us beat the heat.
Curve balls are thrown our way constantly, but that shouldn't scare us into quitting. To be a successful baseball player, when the batter realizes the pitcher has tricks up their sleeve, he should only become more aware, and try harder; the batter should send a message to the opposing team by not giving in to their tricks. Even if they strike out, they can try again, because the Coach will always let their batters have another turn--it's in the rule book! When we wake up every day, we put on our helmets and we step up to the plate, ready to face the adversary. Be alert to his tactics--he's always developing new ones to sway us to opt out. Don't let him. Rely on the Savior to help, making him the focus of your play. Try, and try again until you hit the ball--temptations--and beat Satan.


Monday, January 25, 2016

Stop It. [Now.]



Last night, my family and I had a lengthy discussion over dinner about why Mormons are the most judged group of people. We came to the conclusion that:
It's not because of our views.
It's not because of our standards.
It's not because of our faith.
While these things seem to be the leading causes of judgment emanating from "outsiders",  it is completely reversed. It is because of the way we judge others based on our views, our faith and our standards. So stop it.
Have you ever wondered why Mormons are typically referred to as bigots, homophobes, haters and many other seemingly harsh and hurtful things? Have you ever thought that maybe--just maybe--it's not them? It just might be you.
But then again, it can't be you! Because you're perfect, right? You're a good, upstanding, obedient member of the Church. You never do anything wrong, so everyone must be held to your standard because you know what the Lord expects of you!
Think about this:
Others may not know or even understand the Lord's expectations for them as they walk through life. This doesn't just apply to the nonmembers. We've all judged members of our own congregations. Don't deny it.
We've all seen a girl come to church in a shorter skirt than what For the Strength of Youth encourages. We've all thought to ourselves, "Wow. How can her parents let her out of the house like that? What horrific parenting." While we think this, we disregard our own faults, and from the pride boiling in our hearts with a hint of judgment, we have created a monster: a hypocrite.
While it's awful to judge members of the Church, it's just as bad to judge those outside of it. Yes, people drink coffee and beer. They haven't learned about--let alone accepted--the Word of Wisdom. Yes, people get tattoos. They haven't made covenants to refrain from doing so. Yes, people smoke. Addictions are real. Yes, people curse aloud. They weren't taught that speaking that way is not in harmony with the Spirit. Yes, people dress immodestly. The definition of modesty in the LDS Church differs from that of another faith or even no faith at all. Yes, people act on homosexual urges. Not everyone has ready The Family: A Proclaimation to the World; they may not have yet received a witness from the Spirit that is revelation from God given to His prophet. We just don't know, and because we don't know the hearts of those around us, we can't judge the individuals because of how they choose to use their agency.
Mormons tend to stick their noses up at people who have sins that are noticeable--as if they aren't good enough to run with our crowd. Wait, our crowd?
I thought this was the Church of Jesus Christ.
I thought that Christ spent most of His earthly ministry with those who were sick and afflicted. I'm not just talking about the literally ill people of His time. I'm talking about the spiritually sick.
We shouldn't be sticking to Mormons. We should be putting ourselves out there to show the world that we're exactly what they think we are not. We should be shining our light.
But maybe we should find it first.
I wish I could say that we were all at least close to perfect at loving our neighbor. We aren't anywhere close.
When someone does something we don't particularly agree with, we shouldn't shoot them down. In fact, we should be raising them up and loving them more. Right?
Who are we to say that someone isn't going to make it to Heaven? I thought God was the only one who had the authority to make that judgment.
Who are we to sneer at and make snide remarks towards two boys holding hands at the mall when we're breaking a commandment that we have covenanted to keep? Love one another. Just not, lest ye be judged. Be meek and lowly in heart. Honestly, I think Christ would turn around and walk with them.
We are disciples of Christ. Rather than judging the afflicted, as we are all guilty of doing, we should be lifting their spirits and showing them that we don't care where they've been or who they are. We should be showing them that we want them to understand their potential, but we don't do that by calling them out on their faults.
Encouragement and love is what it takes to serve God's children.
Judgment of others in this life will only yield a harsher judgment for us who have had the gospel as we journey through mortality. We have it. Let's live it. If we don't...good luck.
Because we are imperfect, we have imperfect tendencies, and one of those that we are more inclined to act on is enforcing our judgment in unrighteous ways. What's great about imperfection is that we have Jesus Christ. We have His Atonement which enables us to be clothed with power to overcome the bad. He can help us refocus our lives on the more important things. He can aid us in positioning our perspective on the gospel.
Focus on you.
Focus on your family.
Focus on doing good and focus on loving.
The only people that we should be holding to our standard as Latter-day Saints is ourselves.
If you find yourself judging, as President Dieter F. Uchtdorf put it ever-so simply,

"Stop it."


Uchtdorf. Stop it.:

Friday, January 1, 2016

The Truth About the Mormons

What if I told you there was a way to find peace amid the chaos? What if I told you there was a way to be provided with comfort despite the trials that wreak havoc on our lives? What if I told you there was a way to become closer to God more so than you are now? What if I told you there's a book that can help you find solace? What if I told you that God continues to follow the pattern that He has always followed by calling a prophet to lead His children? What if I told you there was a way to be eternally sealed to your family so death should never be feared?
Speaking from experience, when people hear the word "Mormon" they shudder at the thought of what they don't understand. Many somehow associate our very Christian religion with weird rules, cults and even, in extreme cases, Satan. However, I've seen the difference in the lives of people who initially had these thoughts and soon after listening to what members of the Church had to say, they changed.
I can't tell you how many times on my mission I was treated as if I were stupid because I've chosen to embrace Mormonism; I was told that my parents had brainwashed me into believing that Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus Christ in a forest. I was told that God doesn't show Himself to anyone anymore--that only happened in Biblical times.
I never understood why people had these perceptions about our culture, our religion. The scripture in Hebrews 13 says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." Honestly, I could never process how someone could think that visions were absolutely impossible because the Bible had an ending. Here's a thought: the Bible may have a limit to its words, but the words contained therein are true and eternal. Every author comes to a point of reaching the end of their novel, but once published, the words are always there. They are unchanging. God's word is the same. He will never stray from His pattern.
In the spring of 1820, a young boy said his first uttered prayer. If you are unfamiliar with the story of Joseph Smith, let me fill you in. He was fourteen years old, and his family was extremely religious. Joseph was at the age where he could choose which religion to find membership but he became confused when he saw the Presbyterians contending with the Baptists and vice versa. He couldn't understand--if they were all preaching love and God--why they would be fighting against one another as if they needed to "prove" they were the right sect of Christianity. Confused, Joseph turned to the scriptures to find answers. He came across James 1:5. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God that giveth to all men liberally and upbraideth not and it shall be given him."
He had his answer and chose to take his question to God. He found a private place in the woods a little ways from his home. He knelt down and began to ask what sect he should join and he was overcome with darkness, as if he was trying to be kept from asking this particular question. Joseph fought through it and was finally rescued from the darkness which held him captive. He explained this sensation in the most beautiful way: "I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head above the brightness of the sun which descended gradually until it fell upon me. When the light rested upon me, I saw two personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name, and said, pointing to the other, 'This is my Beloved Son. Hear Him.'" Jesus Christ then told Joseph that he shouldn't join any of the churches. Although they all seek to do good, they are missing an essential piece of the gospel: the priesthood authority.
See, when Christ was crucified and resurrected, He ascended into heaven and left His Church to be physically led by His apostles while He remained, and continues to be, the spiritual Head of His Church. However, one by one, the apostles died and the priesthood was slowly taken from the earth. This was prophesied by Amos in the Old Testament: "Behold, the days come, saith the Lord God, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord: And they shall wander from sea to sea, and from the north even to the east, they shall run to and fro to seek the word of the Lord, and shall not find it" (Amos 8:11-12). There was no prophet; there was only spiritual darkness.
This is a pattern that God has followed throughout time. He calls a prophet, then people fall into disobedience and the gospel retreats. When the time is right, He calls a prophet again, and the people disregard the words of the prophets so He takes the gospel. The pattern continues. God did this with Adam, as he was the first prophet, Enoch, Noah, Moses, Abraham, Jesus Christ, and finally, Joseph Smith.
These periods where a new prophet is appointed is called a dispensation. This is how I think of it:
Think of a gumball machine or "dispenser". The gumballs represent all the pieces of the gospel of Jesus Christ: doctrines and priesthood authority. Imagine that God picked one person to take care of the gumballs and divvy them among those who are righteous. Now imagine that all of those people disappear. The gumballs are gone. The truth is gone. The authority is gone. The Church is gone. But God remains the same and He can return the gumballs again. He just needs someone to trust with His precious gospel.
This is what happened with Joseph Smith. He did not go into the forest thinking he would be called to be a prophet when he reached the appropriate age. All he wanted was an answer, but this was it. He was given the responsibility to take care and administer the doctrinal gumballs.
Not too long after this vision, Joseph was visited by an angel named Moroni who told him of an ancient record that Joseph would begin to translate at a later date. These golden plates were buried in a hill in upper state New York where Joseph lived. These plates were written by a prophet in ancient America named Mormon--hence the name "The Book of Mormon." This book is another testament of the Savior, Jesus Christ--that He lived, that He died, and that He LIVES.
This is a record of the people who came to America 600 years before the birth of Christ. It's a compilation of stories, much like the Bible, of those who exercised faith and were delivered from bondage. It's about following the Savior and not giving up. It's about learning to understand the workings of the Spirit. Most importantly, it's about the hope of a Savior coming to redeem mankind. This book is another testament or witness that Jesus is the Christ. "But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established" (Matthew 18:16).
I know it can sound weird, but that's where prayer comes into play.
You've heard your Mormon friend say, "Pray about it. I know God will hear you." Prayer is huge in our faith because we know that is how we can directly communicate with our Heavenly Father. Of course, sometimes it seems as if it's only a one-sided conversation, but God answers all prayers in various ways.
Before I turned sixteen, I was a very devious child. I went against practically everything my parents taught me because, to be frank, I thought they were ridiculous for believing the Joseph Smith story. See, I was like you once. I thought the Word of Wisdom (no alcohol or coffee) rule was ridiculous, that wearing booty shorts shouldn't affect my journey back to God. It didn't make any sense until one night I felt a burden of guilt for all the things I've done weigh me down.
I couldn't comprehend why I even felt bad. I didn't believe in Mormonism so why did I feel so awful for the things that only the Church advises against?
I had remembered a Sunday school teacher saying something about the Atonement of Jesus Christ: something I had never quite understood. I decided to pick up my copy of The Book of Mormon and coincidentally (or maybe not) I flipped to Alma 7.
"And he shall go forth suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind. And this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people. And he will take upon them their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
I read this and literally burst into tears. In that moment, I knew that Jesus truly was--is--the Christ. I knew that He loves me and that's why I was feeling guilt. He was reeling me in because it was time for me to receive a witness of the truth. I was changing. I knelt down at my bedside and I prayed. Up until that point, I had never asked God if Joseph Smith was a fraud, and I did and I received an answer that I never thought I would:

He was called to be a prophet. The Book of Mormon is true. The leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints hold the keys of the priesthood. This is it.

Following the prayer, I couldn't believe what I felt. The guilt was gone. The burden was lifted. It was as if someone literally lifted a weight off my shoulders. I had never felt more peace than I did right then.
I knew it wasn't made up in my mind because I wanted it to not be true. I so wanted to stop being made fun of for believing in a kid who saw God. I wanted to stop being ostracized for being against gay marriage. I wanted to feel okay about not defending the Church, but I couldn't because I knew for myself.
This Church may have rules that may seem silly to many, but to me, they have been the greatest boost in my eternal quest. The story of Joseph Smith may seem far-fetched, but it is true, and I don't know what I would do without this gospel had that boy not asked God that question. I know I would be so lost. I wouldn't be nearly as close to God as I am at this moment in time.
The Bible is wonderful, and it's true. The Book of Mormon is just as true and it offers even more reasons to have faith in the Savior. Why not read it? What's the worst that can come from it? I thought it would be a waste of time when I began to read five years ago, but I was quickly proven wrong. With the Bible and the Book of Mormon, even the words of modern day prophets, I have all I need to come to know God. Who wouldn't want more? Who wouldn't want to embrace the same gospel that Jesus Christ established during His mortal lifetime? Who wouldn't want to be even happier than they already are?
God lives. I testify that He is there and that He loves us. Because He loves us, He has provided us with more truth and men to lead us to ensure that we make it back into the arms of the Father. That is the purpose of the Church. It isn't to see how many people we can get to convert. It's here for us to learn how to make it back to God through faith, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end. I testify that through this gospel, we can be eternally sealed to our loved ones. I bear testimony that life doesn't end here. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's Church re-established for the last time, never to be taken again.
If you have any questions about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, ask me, your Mormon friend, or take it straight to the source: God. He knows the truth. If you think this isn't the true Church, but you are truly curious, He'll give you the answer.





< > Home
These Wild Thoughts © , All Rights Reserved. BLOG DESIGN BY Sadaf F K.