But you know what else has changed since my last post over a year and a half ago? My heart. My opinions. The way I see others and the way they live their lives.
There's a common phrase used in the Christian culture:
Love the sinner. Hate the sin.
Let me tell you why this phrase is rather toxic and frankly fosters erasure.
Last month alone was a whirlwind of movements for change. We experienced the height of the Black Lives Matter movement, fighting for an end to systemic racism and police brutality, and the month of June is Pride to celebrate and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community.
Sidenote: It's been five years since the Supreme Court ruling that made gay marriage legal in all fifty states, and just last week, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that an employer cannot discriminate against an employee based on their sexual orientation or gender identity.
Corey and I started a new nightly ritual last month where we have watched one episode of Queer Eye each evening after the kids go to bed. Let me tell you. That show has me in tears by the end of nearly every episode. We have both fallen in love with Karamo, Tan, Jonathan, Bobbi, and Antoni. Each of these queer men have had unique experiences, exhibit love and compassion to the people they serve on this show, and have honestly helped us see a whole different side to the people who identify as LGBTQ+.
Because they're just that. People.
Ever since Christian died, my opinions and biases have gradually shifted. There's something about losing someone you loved so dearly to suicide, knowing they were hurting in such a way that they made a choice to take their own life. It changes you. It makes you understand that validation is a crucial component of being a compassionate, loving, Christlike human.
You're probably wondering, 'Okay, Sarah. I'm sorry for your loss. It's sad but wonderful that you have made something of your brother's death, buuuuut what does any of this have to do with this phrase: Love the sinner. Hate the sin?'
I'm getting to that. I promise.
The very first words in the introductory lesson full-time missionaries from the LDS faith teach their investigators are: "God is our Heavenly Father. We are his children."
As His children, we are commanded to love our neighbor. We cannot truly and fully love someone by condemning, by hating a part of who they are. It just isn't possible. If every time you meet up with your gay friend and think, "I love him so much, but gosh, I just wish he weren't in a relationship with another man. Can't he just learn to live happily and confidently alone?"
There are no I love you buts in following the second greatest commandment the Savior Himself extended to us when He gave the higher law. When the Law of Moses was essentially thrown out and replaced, the nitty-gritty specifics of discipleship went right with it. This higher law is what I like to call the heart law. What matters most in how we live our lives, walking in the footsteps of the Savior is not only how we treat one another, but how we think of one another.
We are all sinners. No one is perfect. Everyone is fallible. You make mistakes. I make mistakes. In the words of Jean from The Perfect Man, "I make whoppers." Because of my status as a sinner, I would be a hypocrite to say, 'Well, I love you, but I hate xyz about you.'
We just cannot foster a community of love based on but, but, but. If you are loving your neighbor, whether you are a Democrat, Republican, LGBTQ+ and in a relationship, single parent by choice, supporting various movements for change, believe in women's reproductive rights, have given up a child, have an addiction...
I could go on and on and on. But if you are loving your neighbor in a way that does them no harm by showing genuine care and compassion, you are loving God. It's that simple.
Next time you read a news story about or meet someone who is different than you, put yourself in the Savior's shoes. He atoned for everybody, but let us remember that the Atonement of Jesus Christ was not only for sins. It was for all the pains, the hurt, the discomforts, the sicknesses we will ever face in our lifetimes.
Imagine the pains of a transgender person being intentionally misgendered on a daily basis because their identity is invalid and "crazy".
Imagine the hurt of a lesbian woman announcing she is in a relationship with another woman, and instead of support, she is met with malice, ridicule, and Bible verses.
Imagine the discomfort of a Black man every time he is stopped by a police officer, feeling an aching anxiety that there is a chance he might not go home to his family.
Imagine the sickness, or rather, the mental toll of a person being invalidated because their life, their love, their belief is wrong, apostate, sinful, disgusting.
Look inward. Are you contributing to those feelings that Christ suffered for without cost to anybody but Himself? His love in that garden was absolutely unconditional.
Love the sinner. Hate nothing. Embrace who they are.
Let's normalize that way of thinking, especially in the Christian community.
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