Trials: Blessings in Disguise

How many times has God handed you a trial that made you just want to complain, and cry, and complain some more? The instances, for me, are countless!
It sure seems like I've been sitting in God's classroom for quite some time now. The lessons keep coming! Yesterday, the Spirit taught me, yet again, another worthwhile lesson: something that I really took to heart.
My husband and I had fallen asleep watching Friends. I woke up around 1AM, my neck kinked; my head pounding. I nudged Corey to wake up and we went to bed. When morning rolled around, my head was just throbbing! I was in so much pain--nearly to the point of tears.
Note that this was my first, truly awful migraine since I returned home from my mission nearly six months ago, earlier than anticipated.
Church meetings were going to start in an hour and there was no way that I'd be able to get myself ready in time; no way that I'd be able to get ready at all in the state I was in! Corey ran to the kitchen to get me some medicine, and I went back to sleep.
As I drifted into my dreams, I distinctly remember saying a prayer--in my state of unconsciousness--asking Heavenly Father to ease the burden even a little bit so I could get myself out of bed and ready for church.
When I opened my eyes, I looked over at my husband and told him that I wanted to go to church. My headache was gone.
Just long enough for me to get myself ready, out the door, and take the sacrament, God took away my migraine. As soon as the sacrament ended, the migraine came back.
I buried my head into Corey's side. Dreadful. Absolute pain.
I couldn't help but silently ask my Heavenly Father why He couldn't take the pain away for the duration of the testimony meeting. I so wanted to feel the spirit and learn from those who shared their testimonies. I'd had such an amazing experience last month! I wanted it again!
My answer came rather swiftly.

Trials are untimely.
Trials are hard.
Trials are not desired.
Trials lead me to my knees.
Trials make me plead.
Trials draw me nearer to God.
Trials allow me to recognize His mighty hand.

This trial in particular was a tender mercy from the Lord. While it was odd that He took my pain away for only an hour, for the sixty minutes that God eased my burden, I was able to focus on the single, most important event of the week: taking the sacrament.
As silly as it may seem, I'm so grateful for the headache I got yesterday. Through that difficult, temporary experience, I was granted a greater knowledge of the importance of the sacrament. I shared a moment with my Savior, Jesus Christ, when I partook of the emblems of His death. He had already suffered my headache. He had already felt that agonizing pain for me so that I didn't have to go through it alone. Because God eased my burden for that little time, soon afterward, I felt His love overtake me. I felt His hand work a tiny miracle just so my testimony could grow ever so slightly.

That slight increase in my faith in the Atonement of the Lord and Savior made all the difference in the world.
Because of that headache, I made progress in my eternal journey.
Because of that headache and my desire to renew my covenants, God did not just  allow me to renew my promises, but to renew my testimony.

I always knew that trials would help me progress.
I had never thought that the teeniest, tiniest trial could get me that much closer to God until yesterday.
God is a god of miracles.
My trials are a great blessing from my Father in Heaven.
I wouldn't trade the lessons I've learned and the insights I've gained from the discomforts I've experienced thus far for the world.
I cherish my trials.
I hope you do too.

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The Family: A Proclamation to the World

This inspired document was released twenty years ago today and read to the public by President Gordon B. Hinckley, whom we love, revere, and miss.

These are not just words written on a piece of paper, but rather, they are scripture and as such we should do our very best to follow the counsel given by the apostles of God, and therefore, God Himself.

You can find the document here.

I know that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. No man-made law will ever have the capability of changing eternal law.

Men and women alike are essential to the Creator's plan, and we have different roles for a purpose. If we were all the same, we wouldn't need each other, but we do. 

Equality doesn't come by dismissing specific roles of each gender and substituting yours for the other. Equality is being equally yoked; sharing the load.

In 1 Corinthians 11:11, Paul said, "Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord." Neither could be without the other. In our mortal lives, we have the wonderful opportunity to find someone we love and marry. The bond between a husband and wife is sacred, and the gift of pro-creation shouldn't be tampered with.

That's the beauty of this gospel. 

While society is quickly dragging the world off-course, Latter-day Saints and many others are keeping themselves moving forward by living what most people would consider, "old-fashioned."

I was once asked my sophomore year of high school why I wouldn't want to "test" the man I love before I get married. At the time, I didn't have a response, but I do now:

Because I love God more than I love the principles of society. Because I have a testimony that Joseph Smith was a prophet called to restore the gospel, and because I know that we still have living prophets today, I know that God has said to save myself until marriage. Having not shared that bond with anybody but my husband has made our relationship much more strong.

I know that my Redeemer lives. I know that the greatest way to show Him my love and gratitude for His atoning sacrifice is to live the way He has asked. I love Him and I will follow Him.

His hand is extended toward you always. Take it. Hold on tight, and He will lead you Home. 

If you have not had a chance to yet, read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Pray and ask your Heavenly Father if this document is a bunch of boloney and He will provide you His witness through the Holy Ghost. This is my invitation to you.

Happy 20th Anniversary!

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Testimonies: A Tender Mercy

After a hectic morning of not only being late to church, but not being able to find anyone in the ward to tell us where our classes were held, we finally made it to sacrament meeting where I felt the Lord's hand work a miracle.

Tender mercies with a touch of a miracle seemed to be the theme of the day in spite of the craziness..

1. Sacrament meeting is the last meeting
2. I was rebuked by the Spirit.

Okay, okay, now you might be thinking: Excuse me, Mrs. Sabin, but please explain to me how being rebuked by God is a tender mercy!

I'm so excited to share this experience with you. It's personal, but, aside from being sealed to my husband a short time ago, this was the greatest blessing I've been given in a while.

As I sat in the chapel, snuggled up to my husband, I made the decision to intently listen to every single testimony that was shared.

It started with the first testimony--it was a simple one--about things I'd already known to be true, yet I felt an intense sensation overcome my being. Why? I already know the Church is true. I already know that Jesus is the Christ. Why am I feeling this way? 

The second testimony, the third, fourth, up until the tenth were shared. The feeling didn't go away.

I began to listen even more intently. I just knew that the Lord needed me to learn something. It was quite obvious. By the way the Spirit touched my own, Heavenly Father's intentions were very clear. I was missing something.

A Japanese woman got up with her husband. She spoke in her native language while her husband translated. As she spoke in Japanese, before her husband could translate, that same spirit filled me up. Although I couldn't understand her directly, I understood what she was saying to be true. 

It was in that moment that I realized I needed to be in that room at that time to be told by my Father in Heaven through His servant that I needed a reminder; a reminder that this gospel is His.

It was in that moment that I realized I've become complacent with the way my life has been. It was in that moment that I realized that my testimony has been sitting on a plateau. It was in that moment that I realized I haven't been doing anything to strengthen my conviction. It was in that moment that I realized that being comfortable with complacency in this life is going to land me in a place where I can be eternally complacent--which place isn't with God.

I became very emotional at that point. How did I let this happen? I thought.

It's so easy to think that what you already know is enough, but we can cheat ourselves out of some really wonderful experiences if we decide that we're good enough to stop progressing.

The truth is, once you gain a testimony, that's not the end. 

Testimonies are gained as a result of faith. However, if we don't continually nourish the "seed", it won't grow. It'll remain a seed, or if it's already been planted, nourished, and has become something more than just a seed, it'll begin to wilt and eventually...die. 

I'm so grateful for the individuals who were courageous enough to stand before the congregation to bear witness of the things they know to be true. Without those individuals following the Spirit, I don't know how much longer it would have taken for me to realize that I need to make progression a habit.

Eternity is all about progression, so naturally, mortality is as well.

I know the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored through the prophet, Joseph Smith. I know that Jesus is the Living Christ, the immortal and Only Begotten Son of God. I know the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ and the words found therein are powerful, comforting, and most importantly, true. 

Before I walked into sacrament meeting today, I knew these things were true. When I walked out of the chapel, I was reminded by that same Spirit that the truth of these things hasn't changed.

It wasn't the knowledge of Christ as my Savior that saved me. It was the reminder by His Spirit that I need to change that saved me.

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Post-Wedding

Well the deed is done! I'm a married woman!
My wedding day was more than I ever dreamed of. Much, much more. I wish I had known before the wedding that I wouldn't even be paying attention to the minor details that I had been freaking out about for months!  , it isn't about the flowers, the cake, or the venue. What's most important and what draws the most attention is the fact that two people who love each other were joined together in marriage.
I wish I hadn't spent so much time stressing about the decorations. I wish I had spent more time pondering the idea of being sealed to my love for time and all eternity.
I will say one thing: the day of the wedding, that was all I could think about! "I'm marrying my best friend!" was all that went through my head.
I'm so grateful for my husband--for all the many blessings that have come to us as an eternal companionship in just the two short weeks that we've been married.
I'm so looking forward to moving into our first apartment on Tuesday; to have a place to call our own--our h o m e.
Marriage is great!

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Waving Goodbye to Single Life

With only a week until I have two rings on finger, I've been thinking a lot about what I'm getting myself into. Y'all. It's scary--scary beyond anything I've ever experienced. I have so many worries that weigh on my shoulders (sidenote: any newlywed or soon-to-be-married couple knows that the number one worry is finances)! BUT. Although scary, I know it'll be the best experience of my life and I get to finish out the rest of my years with the love of my life. I know the troubles, the trials, the moments of despair will all be worthwhile because I have the opportunity to grow closer to my husband and become a stronger individual.
I. Can't. Wait.
I always get so excited to see old friends get engaged and begin to plan their weddings. I can't believe we're all opening up this new chapter in our lives. It's so crazy!
We're on the road to happiness. Being given an opportunity to embark from a new "port" in my life with the man of my dreams will make the remainder of my journey so much more bearable, enjoyable, and wonderful.
The storms will come. It may not always be calm waters. One thing is for certain though. We will accomplish our journey. Together. That's what excites me the most about marriage.
Corey always refers to me as his "battle buddy." We're a team. We will always be a team. We are an eternal team.
Ten days is all I have left to be a single woman. I'm looking forward to waving goodbye that aspect of my life. This is the best decision I've ever made--not to mention the most important!
Goodbye, single! Hello, married!

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[Optimism] in All Things

The past few weeks have carried me upwards and downwards as far as my emotions are concerned. I guess you could say I don't handle stress very well! With the wedding coming up, my emotions have been, to be frank, a hot mess. When something has gone entirely wrong--well, at least that's how I feel--I tend to blow a gasket. However, after my computer screen just randomly cracked last night and following my initial freak-out, I had an epiphany.
 I heard a little voice say, "It could be worse." 
Isn't that the truth! It could be worse. Why should I dwell on what's going wrong when there are so many things in my life going right? I don't want to be someone who looks at the glass half empty rather than half full. That would make me life seem so much worse than it is. In fact, my life isn't terrible at all!
I've got so many blessings that have been poured out on me in abundance. Why? Because my Heavenly Father loves me. It's sweet; simple.
When I'm handed challenges, I feel like God is rooting for me to find joy in the trials I face while the opposing team yells and screams at me to be ungrateful and to be miserable because of these experiences.
But the honest to goodness truth is, it's so much easier to give in to the negativity when something goes awry. The first thing I want to do is be frustrated, maybe even yell or mutter something under my breath. What I've come to learn over the past twenty years--which is sad that it's taken that long--is that acts and feelings of anger will get you no where. In fact, they'll only make you angrier.
Instead of giving in to Satan and letting him win, choose God. He's cheering you on. When you accept the support of your Heavenly Father, even in the small trials, you will win every time.
Here are three things that help me in moments of anger:
1. Don't say anything you'll regret. Remember, if your mother taught you well you'll remember the phrase, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!" In moments of fury, it's so easy to spit out the first thing that comes to mind, but it's important to remember that the words you choose to say could be even more hurtful than the cause itself.
2. Stop, breathe and count to ten...or one hundred if you're really mad. I know it's silly, but it works! For some odd reason, allowing yourself to stop and breathe slows your heart rate which rises when you're infuriated and calms you down.
3. Count your blessings. This one could quite possibly be the hardest one to do, but it's very necessary. I want to be better about this. What's the point in lingering on the gloom when God have given us so much radiance through His tender blessings? At the moment, it may seem as if there are no blessings, but if you will take time to think of a few--because let's be honest, there are too many blessings to list them all--the situation at hand will be much more bearable.
Next time you're upset over something, remember these words to one of my favorite hymns:

When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings; name them one by one

And it will surprise you what the Lord has done

Chorus:

Count your blessings; name them one by one,

Count your blessings; see what God hath done. 

Count your blessings;

Name them one by one

Count your many blessings; see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings; every doubt will fly,

And you will be singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,

Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.

Count your many blessings; money cannot buy

Your reward in Heaven nor your home on High.

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.

Count your many blessings; angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you till your journey's end.

Be happy! x

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Loving Love!

Okay, I have to brag! I have the greatest fiance. There are a number of reasons why I believe him to be the most wonderful man on the planet (no big deal). The fact is, I'm in love with my best friend. That's really all that it comes down to. We started out as friends and that friendship grew into something immensely more than something strictly platonic. The best part about it is we're still friends! That's what--I believe--makes a great love; a lasting love.
Corey and I met through his sister, Ashley, while I was serving a mission in the northern United States--a far-off land called Idaho (sorry, I wanted to be dramatic). He and I never laid eyes on each other--well, as far as bodies are concerned. We did however lay eyes on each others' personalities for quite some time. Cheesy, I know. I'm just happy to know we didn't use a dating service, although they do work for some people! Ashley gave us each others' emails and we sent messages back and forth every Monday. It had to start with him because I thought it was strange to just email a complete stranger!
Weeks turned to months, and when August rolled around, I had hit my sixth month in the field. I received my first hand-written letter from Corey and that's when I realized that there was more to this stranger than I had thought. We had a real connection--not through pen and paper, but our souls were connected somehow. To give you the honest-to-goodness truth, it started to freak me OUT! My thoughts were merely this:
-I have no clue who this dude is
-I can't be falling for him. We've never met!
-The chances of us meeting and ending up together are slim to none.
-WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?!

Because of my irrational fear of love--well, and because I was becoming very distracted by his charm-- I wrote him off--more than once, actually. Poor guy! He still tried to get in touch with me, but I didn't respond, although, something kept nagging me to respond to his messages. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Luckily, I was able to refocus myself on what I was in Idaho to do: serve the Lord--and I did...up until I began to have frequent migraines that kept me from getting out to do the work. Upon meeting with my mission president, we had decided it was best for me to go home. I left my mission five months early and it was the hardest thing for me.
Corey found out through his sister that I had been released and he didn't miss a beat to contact me. I gave him my number and we texted back and forth for a few days. Then he asked if he could call me. OH NO. I didn't feel like I was ready to hear his voice. I knew that when I did it would be over for me...because deep down I knew this was it. He was it. There was that irrational fear of love taking its toll over me yet again! So even with my silence, he still called and I just watched my phone light up with a blank look on my face: ladies and gentlemen, that's fear.
He didn't bother calling or texting for at least a week.
I remember the next Sunday I was sitting on my bed when suddenly my phone lit up with his number on the screen. Fear. Again. Surprising? Not really. There went the blank stare for, what I'm sure were the most agonizing sixty seconds on his end.
Finally, he gave up and I didn't blame him at all. I didn't know what I wanted! Okay, really, I did. But I didn't know if my heart was ready. I'm sure everyone has felt at one point or another the fear of being rejected after having been accepted by someone truly wonderful then dumped. Getting back into the realm of roses and late-night dates after heartbreak is scary!
The hurt didn't come all at once. In fact, I wasn't hurt at all at first. I was surprisingly relieved that he'd given up. I didn't have to stress anymore! It was great!
I tried to get back into the swing of things: reconnecting with old friends, going to the movies, blogging, reading. It was all well and good, so I thought, until I realized that something was missing.
Easter Sunday was a day to remember. After general conference had concluded and I had gotten back from my brother's house, I was in my room reflecting on my life--because that's what general conference does to you! I had a very distinct impression to send an instant message to Corey. I apologized for being confusing, and messing with his emotions. I asked if we could be friends. His response hurt me like no other. He had said that he would love to be friends, but just that because he wasn't looking for a relationship. My initial thought was, Oh my gosh. What am I doing? I thought he really liked me. Is it really over before it even began? Corey asked if he could call me the next day, and of course, I said yes. I was all in. I was ready. Acceptance or rejection, whatever my fate, I was ready to face it.
Monday morning, 11AM. My phone rang. I watched it for a couple seconds and I finally brought myself to answer it. I was nervous, but the sound of his voice soothed all my nerves. It felt so natural to talk to him. His voice sounded so familiar. I was in a daze. A thirty minute call turned in to two hours and sooner than you knew it, he and I decided it was time to meet! Corey was sweet enough to buy me a plane ticket to go see him. In an instant, I knew it was right. I knew this was it. I knew my quest for love had been concluded--even though I wasn't even on a quest!
I met him at the airport in Salt Lake City. We were both so nervous, yet so excited. We were ready to turn this budding romance into something for the storybooks. Now we're engaged and ready to start a new chapter no longer titled, "My Life" but, "Our Life."
I always knew Corey was the one for me, but this trip is what solidified my feelings. When I felt his hand brush against mine, his lips touch my forehead, and when I gazed into his hazel eyes, something shot through me that I had never felt before. It was so much more than euphoria.  It was love.
I knew I was in love with Corey, not only when I felt sparks, but when I noticed silence wasn't awkward, I could be my absolute self, and we could still talk like we did as friends.
I'm so lucky to have fallen in love with and be engaged to the most wonderful man who has ever walked into my life. I'm happy to know that he will always be by my side for the rest of my life and throughout eternity. August 15th cannot come fast enough! x

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