My identity has taken a huge shift in recent months. I vocalized my standing with the church and made a very conscious decision to disassociate myself and my family from it. For being taught that leaving is the easy way out, I sure have been having a different experience. It has been anything but. I am wandering as I reconstruct and redefine my spirituality. That's okay. Some beautiful things can be found when we take a moment to look around us, discover the new, and revel in the grandeur life has to offer. I am looking for the right place to land.
I was on Instagram the other day when I came across an IGTV video by Morgan Harper Nichols. The post invited me to screenshot the video at any time to claim my word for the year. I stumbled upon the perfect word for myself.
Within (noun): an inner placeAs I have grappled with the idea of Deity as I have known it throughout my life, this word could not have come at a more perfect time of reflection. I have been waist-deep in considering what makes a person spiritual. Is there an all-knowing God? Do I subscribe to the notion that Jesus saves?
Well, yes.
...and no.
I think it's complicated, and I have yet to learn more about the origin of religion as I have known it. I'm leaning more towards the idea that I have the Divine within me. I am Divine.
This may sound weird (and frankly big-headed), but hear me out.
We are made of the stuff of eternity, the universe, of matter that can neither be created nor destroyed. Yes, one day we will be given back to the earth, and that gives rise to the idea that we are worth nothing, and because we are worth nothing, we must cater our lives to something Greater.
What is that Something? My answer is Love, and the capacity to give it freely and feel it deeply lives within all of us. For me, I don't need a personified mediator to extend compassion and empathy to others. I don't need a list of rules set in literal stone or plates of gold to know what is right, wrong, good, bad, beautiful, or ugly in the world because I can feel it all within me.
So that's where I am with God, Deity, the Greater Than I. Where do I stand with Jesus? Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace?
I turn to love, to kindness. The two things Jesus himself advocated for during his ministry. I absolutely subscribe to the notion that love always wins, and that Jesus was a beautiful teacher who taught that I should learn to reconcile my experiences with my inner self. Of course, he always talked about God rather than the self, so naturally, I have some thoughts.
My absolute favorite scripture in all of the New Testament is Romans 8: 38-39.
"For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God."
This scripture has ruminated in my mind for several weeks as I have contemplated where my beliefs lay in the grand scheme of things. As I expressed previously, I believe that the idea of God is, in essence, Love.
But if nothing can separate me from Love, then that must mean that Love lives within me. There's that word again: within. Love goes everywhere I go. Love sees everything I see. Just as with the idea of a literal, physical God, anyone can choose whether to invite Them into their everyday conversations and experiences. Same with Love.
I am not perfect. Boy, do I know I am not perfect. But if there is anything I have learned about myself through this journey of healing, self-discovery, and transitioning my faith it's that I have this innate need to love people. That desire comes from within because it's from within that an immense power to change the world resides.
Victor Hugo famously said, "To love another person is to see the face of God." I get chills every single time I hear it because it is a universal truth that Love is greater than all of us. It transcends time and space. It is a power we all possess to see the good, to be the good.
We are not helpless creatures walking this earth in a vain attempt to walk golden hallways in Some Faraway Palace in the clouds. If we are individual powerhouses of Love, imagine what a world full of people who recognize they have the same power within them would be like.
Hate would be gone. Wars would end. Compassion would reign.
Maybe it's wishful thinking that any of these things could happen, but as I see more and more people advocate on their social media platforms, sounding a call for more understanding, listening, and learning, maybe we really could change the world just as hoped for through a second coming of a savior.
We have the capacity within us to save humanity if only we allow ourselves to fall into our humanness and love simply, with no conditions, readily willing to sacrifice our comfort for the pains of another to vanish. We can be one. We can be whole.
