Friday, November 9, 2018

Love Anyway

Choices. Life is full of them. There are so many instances where we find ourselves at a fork in the road trying to decide whether we should go this way or that way--and do you know what's great about that? The choice is entirely our own.
Of course our choices can affect those around us, but when we chose to follow the Savior, we chose agency--not only for ourselves, but for everyone.
This has been weighing on my mind a lot lately with the political climate rising, causing much discord among those of differing religious views.
But I'm not here to talk about politics.
Just choices. Only choices.
The fact that we even have the freedom to choose our own paths is such an amazing gift given from God Himself. He wants us to be happy and comfortable and the great thing about our loving Heavenly Father is just that--He loves us. No matter what. Nothing will separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39). He loves all of His children, whether on the path I follow or on a different path.
The ultimate goal our Father in Heaven has for us is eternal life, not just immortality--to inherit everything He has. But I think it's easy to forget that He wants all of us to be happy in this life, too.
May I be frank?
Not everyone is happy in the Church.
It is so much easier said than done to hold on when there are serious doubts. We have to be understanding.
Some would consider themselves spiritual giants--that no matter what questions arise, there is absolutely no way their foundation could crumble. But that isn't the case for everyone.
How can we be more understanding?
Something I have learned over the years is that being supportive and loving of the decisions of another--even if you do not agree--is far more Christlike than shoving my beliefs down someone's throat.
So a friend of yours goes to Starbucks every day. So they get a coffee.
So a man loves a man. So he wants to be with him.
So an active member goes to see Beautiful Boy. So it's rated R.
So a loved one has major doubts about the gospel. So they want to forsake their membership.
So you don't agree.
Love. Anyway.
The Lord said He would forgive whom He would forgive, but we are commanded to forgive all men (D&C 64:10). If we truly feel someone is doing something against our religious principles, love anyway because that is the epitome of forgiveness.
We should never resent someone for the choices they make to walk a different path, and we should most certainly never push.
Imagine a physical altercation where someone pushes another person. The victim is forced further away from the other. Such it is with the gospel of Jesus Christ. When we push--even if we feel it is out of love and concern--it only causes them to put more distance between themself and what we hold dear.
I remember when I was a teenager and my mom threw all of my short shorts away because she wanted me to dress modestly. That only pushed me over the edge where I would wear one thing to a friend's and then change into their clothes to go out. What my mom thought was helping only made it worse. In the next few years, my mom would learn the difference between invitation and force.
My mom would become as patient as she could while I tried to figure out who I wanted to be, what I wanted to believe, and how I wanted to live. Because she took a step back while still being a parent, I became less distant and even confided in her about my life, and even gained a testimony that would later send me to Idaho to serve a mission.
Despite my choices, she loved me anyway.
Our purpose as members of the Church, and missionaries if you will, is to "invite others to come unto Christ."
Invite, invite, invite.
When we talk about the gospel with another, let's not do it with the intention of guilting them into grabbing onto the rod. We must do it with the intention to increase their faith that will inevitably send them reaching for the gospel.
If there is someone you care about walking the path opposite yours, do them (and yourself) a favor:
Support and love them anyway.






Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Shaping My Identity

This week in my psychology class, we're talking about personality. The idea my proessor shared with us the other day is that who we are has an effect on what kind of personality we have, which begged the question that she wrote up on the board. Who are you?
Underneath the question, she wrote, "I am...". She asked us to finish this sentence twenty times. Sounds like a lot, right?
So I started writing.
I am...a wife.
I am...a mother.
I am...a Mormon.
I am...a daughter of God.
I am...a suicide survivor.
I stopped, and I literally almost cried. Right there. In the middle of class. I just needed a break. I couldn't believe I had literally just taken pen to paper and had written those words. I've blogged about my experience with being left behind because of suicide, but there's just something about seeing the phrase handwritten in my personal script.
In trying hard not to release any tears, I looked down and saw that I was not only wearing my most recent Out of the Darkness t-shirt, but I was also wearing the jacket I had earned as an incentive for raising a certain amount of money for the organization.
I picked up my pencil and continued writing.
I am...an advocate.
I am...the change.
I did feel a little silly giving myself so much credit, but that thought went away rather quickly.
When my brother died, the only thing that kept me going is advocating for those who struggle with the same things he did. His death and the way it happened--as much as I hate it--is a part of my identity. I will never be the person I was before his suicide. Never.
But why be dealt a card that you have to live with for the rest of your life and not make something worthwhile out of it?
I've literally decided to take the sourest of lemons and make lemonade, and that's through being the change in how the world views suicide, and how it can be prevented.
The shift in my identity since Christian died is the sole reason why I drafted post after post asking for donations to a foundation I truly believe is making a difference. It's the reason why I changed my major. It's the reason why I share so many mental health articles on social media. It's the reason why I'm so concerned with my friends when I know they're having a difficult time--even if it is just because of an upcoming exam causing unrelenting stress.
Just like with any of the other "I am..." phrases I came up with, my identity drives me to act. Being a wife leads me to check in with my husband to make sure he'll be okay if I go out with a girlfriend. Being a mom means putting my child before myself, talking mostly about them on social media, and missing them even when I'm gone for a few hours. Being a Mormon means everything in my life is centered on my beliefs--what I wear, what movies I see, how I spend my Sundays. Being a daughter of God means that I come from heavenly parents, who love me, that I am divine, and I try to treat myself as such.
Being a suicide survivor means I can't stand idly by and watch other families suffer the way mine has. It's who I am, and it's who I've been shaping up to become over the past year and a half since I was struck by suicide.
What experiences have you had that have shaped your identity to be what it is today? Who are you?




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